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Downloaded from
YTS.MX
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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX
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[Brake Sets]
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♪ [Humming]
5
00:01:43,547 --> 00:01:47,210
- [Rings]
- Hello?
6
00:01:49,119 --> 00:01:51,679
No. You got
the wrong number.
7
00:01:51,755 --> 00:01:53,746
Yeah, but ain't no
Thelma here, man.
8
00:01:53,824 --> 00:01:56,816
♪ [Lounge]
9
00:02:16,246 --> 00:02:18,237
[Blows Nose]
10
00:02:33,764 --> 00:02:35,755
[Muttering]
11
00:02:38,602 --> 00:02:40,593
[Garbage Disposal Grinds]
[Grunts]
12
00:02:43,273 --> 00:02:46,640
[Choking, Whimpering]
13
00:02:46,710 --> 00:02:50,646
[Whimpering, Screams]
14
00:02:50,714 --> 00:02:53,239
- [Disposal Stops]
- [Gasping]
15
00:02:53,316 --> 00:02:55,807
[Water Running]
16
00:02:58,221 --> 00:03:00,212
[Water Shuts Off]
17
00:03:00,290 --> 00:03:02,281
Jesus!
[Phone Rings]
18
00:03:04,561 --> 00:03:07,052
[Continues Ringing]
I'm comin'!
19
00:03:14,805 --> 00:03:19,435
What? Man, there ain't no Thelma here!
20
00:03:21,745 --> 00:03:24,475
[No Audible Dialogue]
21
00:03:47,070 --> 00:03:49,595
- [Electricity Crackling]
- [Screeches]
22
00:03:58,782 --> 00:04:01,273
[Panting]
23
00:04:08,325 --> 00:04:10,316
God.
24
00:04:35,285 --> 00:04:37,776
[TV Sizzling]
25
00:04:47,230 --> 00:04:49,926
[Creaking]
26
00:04:51,368 --> 00:04:53,563
[Loud Crash]
27
00:04:55,272 --> 00:04:58,537
[Phone Rings]
28
00:04:58,608 --> 00:05:01,372
[Continues Ringing]
29
00:05:03,313 --> 00:05:06,009
[Ringing Stops] [Shouting] What?
30
00:05:06,082 --> 00:05:09,540
Ain't no fuckin' Thelma
here, man!
31
00:05:09,619 --> 00:05:12,952
Look, the bitch don't
live here! Fuck you too!
32
00:05:13,023 --> 00:05:16,220
[Screams]
Shit! Fuck!
33
00:05:16,293 --> 00:05:18,523
[Grunts, Screams]
34
00:05:18,595 --> 00:05:21,587
[Screaming]
35
00:05:27,304 --> 00:05:30,364
Hello. I'm Dr. Warren
G. Easterbrook,
36
00:05:30,440 --> 00:05:33,170
Chairman of the President's
Commission on Education,
37
00:05:33,243 --> 00:05:36,144
and I would like to talk to you
about an ever-growing problem...
38
00:05:36,212 --> 00:05:38,908
the short attention span
of today's youth.
39
00:05:38,982 --> 00:05:42,008
Weaned as they are on television,
young people today...
40
00:05:42,085 --> 00:05:44,144
can't seem to pay attention
for more than a few mo...
41
00:05:46,590 --> 00:05:50,219
[Man] Pethouse Video presents
an in-depth...
42
00:05:50,293 --> 00:05:52,921
up close and personal look...
43
00:05:52,996 --> 00:05:57,296
at Pethouse Plaything
Taryn Steele.
44
00:05:57,367 --> 00:06:00,996
[Woman Narrating] Oh, so many neat
things have happened to me in my life...
45
00:06:01,071 --> 00:06:04,939
being named homecoming queen,
making the cheerleading squad.
46
00:06:05,008 --> 00:06:08,307
But the neatest thing ever was
when I was recently chosen...
47
00:06:08,378 --> 00:06:10,471
the Pethouse Plaything
of the Month.
48
00:06:11,915 --> 00:06:14,110
But being a Plaything
hasn't changed me.
49
00:06:14,184 --> 00:06:16,414
I'm still the same Taryn.
50
00:06:18,655 --> 00:06:22,887
When I was first chosen,
I was, like, really immature.
51
00:06:22,959 --> 00:06:25,587
But I've grown so much
since then.
52
00:06:25,662 --> 00:06:27,653
I can hardly believe it's me.
53
00:06:28,765 --> 00:06:32,428
I'm a beach person
and a night person.
54
00:06:32,502 --> 00:06:36,131
I really feel sorry for anyone
who doesn't live in California,
55
00:06:36,206 --> 00:06:39,403
'cause we've got it all...
the mountains, the sun.
56
00:06:39,476 --> 00:06:42,274
And, like, there's no humidity.
57
00:06:42,345 --> 00:06:44,779
It really blows me away.
58
00:06:44,848 --> 00:06:49,217
Here, out of the public eye,
I can just fade into the crowd.
59
00:06:49,285 --> 00:06:53,244
In New York, I get hassled all
the time. I don't understand it.
60
00:06:53,323 --> 00:06:57,487
Laguna offers me
peace and solitude...
61
00:06:57,560 --> 00:07:00,552
away from the pressure
of being a Plaything.
62
00:07:00,630 --> 00:07:04,566
Here in Laguna,
I can just let my mind go blank.
63
00:07:08,204 --> 00:07:10,195
Art is my life.
64
00:07:14,844 --> 00:07:17,870
I love to browse
Laguna's art galleries,
65
00:07:17,947 --> 00:07:20,438
and my dream is to one day...
66
00:07:20,517 --> 00:07:24,146
have some of my things
hanging here.
67
00:07:24,220 --> 00:07:28,213
But my real strength
comes from my family...
68
00:07:28,291 --> 00:07:31,658
and my strong
religious upbringing.
69
00:07:31,728 --> 00:07:36,324
I'll always be grateful to my mom and
dad and the values they've given me,
70
00:07:36,399 --> 00:07:41,462
which help me take on
the awesome responsibilities...
71
00:07:41,538 --> 00:07:43,733
of Plaything of the Month.
72
00:08:00,290 --> 00:08:03,521
Selma, look at this reception.
73
00:08:06,496 --> 00:08:09,795
[Click] Beaver, did you bring home
a note from your teacher today?
74
00:08:09,866 --> 00:08:12,426
Oh, no, Dad. That's one of your
jokes I haven't heard before.
75
00:08:12,502 --> 00:08:16,233
[Woman] Record warm temperatures
tomorrow. Unbelievable!
76
00:08:16,306 --> 00:08:18,365
Best investment I ever made. [Kiss]
77
00:08:18,441 --> 00:08:21,308
[Weather Caster Continues,
Indistinct]
78
00:08:21,377 --> 00:08:23,368
[Sighs]
79
00:08:25,215 --> 00:08:29,447
You haven't been out
of this house in two weeks.
80
00:08:29,519 --> 00:08:32,215
Lows will warm up
just a bit.
81
00:08:32,288 --> 00:08:34,813
What the hell has happened
to my remote?
82
00:08:37,060 --> 00:08:39,722
Sunny skies
for the remainder of the day.
83
00:08:39,796 --> 00:08:41,764
Murray?
84
00:08:41,831 --> 00:08:44,698
Embedded in those clouds.
And here in the southern...
85
00:08:44,768 --> 00:08:46,759
Excuse me, sir.
We're on the air.
86
00:08:46,836 --> 00:08:49,396
Selma!
Get me out of here!
87
00:08:49,472 --> 00:08:51,463
I must've pressed
the wrong button.
88
00:08:51,541 --> 00:08:55,978
Murray, what are you
doing on the weather?
89
00:08:56,045 --> 00:09:01,073
I don't know. Press
something. Bring me back!
90
00:09:01,151 --> 00:09:03,585
Here!
91
00:09:03,653 --> 00:09:07,783
[Man] Swung on, and it's a
high fly ball to center field.
92
00:09:07,857 --> 00:09:12,055
Wait a minute! There's a fan
on the field! [Crowd Booing]
93
00:09:12,128 --> 00:09:14,688
♪ Make me wanna stay
If this is it ♪
94
00:09:14,764 --> 00:09:19,201
♪ Doo wah ♪ Now I'm trapped in
a rock video! Anything but this!
95
00:09:19,269 --> 00:09:23,603
♪ If this ain't love
you better let me go ♪
96
00:09:23,673 --> 00:09:25,664
- ♪ If this is it ♪
- ♪ Doo wah ♪
97
00:09:26,810 --> 00:09:29,608
Selma! Help me!
98
00:09:29,679 --> 00:09:32,079
♪ If this ain't love, baby ♪
Wait. Wait.
99
00:09:32,148 --> 00:09:35,675
Selma! I'm looking for the booklet.
100
00:09:39,222 --> 00:09:44,057
♪ [Ominous] Oh, no.
I'm in black and white.
101
00:09:44,127 --> 00:09:46,527
Where am I?
102
00:09:48,698 --> 00:09:52,725
- Selma!
- [Growling]
103
00:09:52,802 --> 00:09:56,738
[Murray]
Help!
104
00:10:03,446 --> 00:10:05,812
Selma!
Selma!
105
00:10:05,882 --> 00:10:09,818
This is what you get for
throwing out the directions.
106
00:10:09,886 --> 00:10:13,652
Help! Help me!
107
00:10:13,723 --> 00:10:15,588
♪ [Mellow Jazz]
[Gasps]
108
00:10:15,658 --> 00:10:18,593
Here you can leave me
for the night.
109
00:10:21,097 --> 00:10:23,588
You should be so lucky.
110
00:10:27,470 --> 00:10:29,461
Yech!
[Twittering]
111
00:10:30,907 --> 00:10:35,708
- [Chuckling]
- Where am I?
112
00:10:35,778 --> 00:10:37,871
You're on
the Disney Channel.
113
00:10:37,947 --> 00:10:41,474
At least I know you won't
catch anything there.
114
00:10:41,551 --> 00:10:46,215
Fun is fun, Selma, but I want to
come home. [Chuckling] I'm trying.
115
00:10:46,289 --> 00:10:50,248
[Man] 500 million people
are watching via satellite...
116
00:10:50,326 --> 00:10:54,888
as the president and first lady
deplane for this historic Moscow visit.
117
00:10:54,964 --> 00:10:57,865
They look fit and rested.
Wait a minute.
118
00:10:57,934 --> 00:11:01,165
An unidentified man
has emerged from Air Force One.
119
00:11:01,237 --> 00:11:05,105
He seems, believe it or not, to
be clad only in his underwear.
120
00:11:05,174 --> 00:11:08,007
The Secret Service have grabbed
him. Where am I? I'm innocent!
121
00:11:08,077 --> 00:11:11,410
But who is he and how did he get on
board? I was only watching television!
122
00:11:11,481 --> 00:11:14,041
He appears to be deranged.
Help! Selma!
123
00:11:17,587 --> 00:11:19,578
[Man]
I'm so proud of you, Brenda,
124
00:11:19,656 --> 00:11:22,318
getting through the delivery
without any anesthetic.
125
00:11:22,392 --> 00:11:25,327
Well, I had the best
Lamaze coach in the world.
126
00:11:25,395 --> 00:11:28,922
When do we get to see the baby?
It's been eight hours.
127
00:11:28,998 --> 00:11:31,796
Well, you remember the film
they showed us in class.
128
00:11:31,868 --> 00:11:35,497
There's all kinds of tests they
have to perform on a newborn child.
129
00:11:35,571 --> 00:11:38,005
So...
That's true.
130
00:11:38,074 --> 00:11:40,372
Ah!
There's my favorite couple.
131
00:11:40,443 --> 00:11:43,173
- Mr. And Mrs. Flanders.
- That's Landers.
132
00:11:43,246 --> 00:11:46,409
Right, right. Flanders
is uremic poisoning on 39.
133
00:11:47,417 --> 00:11:49,408
- So.
- Um...
134
00:11:49,485 --> 00:11:52,352
Nice stitch work,
if I say so myself.
135
00:11:52,422 --> 00:11:55,823
Doctor, we'd like to see our son. The
nurses keep giving us the runaround.
136
00:11:55,892 --> 00:11:58,258
I'd like nothing better than
to bring you both your son,
137
00:11:58,328 --> 00:12:00,319
but have you looked around
this hospital?
138
00:12:00,396 --> 00:12:02,387
There are sick people here.
139
00:12:02,465 --> 00:12:06,265
I just saw this old guy in the hallway
with these gnarly scabs all over his body.
140
00:12:06,336 --> 00:12:08,531
Gross me out!
[Gags, Shudders]
141
00:12:08,604 --> 00:12:12,096
- I'm not about to expose your little Jeffrey...
- Nicholas.
142
00:12:12,175 --> 00:12:14,200
To that.
143
00:12:14,277 --> 00:12:17,303
I've got a solemn oath
to uphold here. Doctor,
144
00:12:17,380 --> 00:12:20,008
Brenda and I are both
Lamaze graduates,
145
00:12:20,083 --> 00:12:24,986
and we've never heard of
quarantining a healthy infant before.
146
00:12:25,054 --> 00:12:27,454
Ooh, Lamaze.
147
00:12:27,523 --> 00:12:31,459
Well, I forgot that you spent three
whole weekends sitting on a floor...
148
00:12:31,527 --> 00:12:33,358
learning how to breathe.
149
00:12:33,429 --> 00:12:36,330
I had to get by on a degree
from Harvard Medical School!
150
00:12:36,399 --> 00:12:41,132
Please, it's important to us to see
our child. You've heard of bonding.
151
00:12:41,204 --> 00:12:43,502
Uh...
Doctor.
152
00:12:43,573 --> 00:12:46,838
We'd like to spend a little
quality time with our son, please.
153
00:12:46,909 --> 00:12:50,743
A little quality time with your
son? That would be beautiful.
154
00:12:50,813 --> 00:12:54,909
You people.
[Scoffs]
155
00:12:54,984 --> 00:12:58,317
What's with that guy? [Woman On
P.A.] Mrs. Fernandez, front desk.
156
00:12:58,388 --> 00:13:02,085
He's supposed to be
the top man in his field.
157
00:13:02,158 --> 00:13:04,922
Well, when he brings in
little Jeffrey, we're going...
158
00:13:04,994 --> 00:13:07,258
Nicholas! [Doctor] Here we go.
159
00:13:07,330 --> 00:13:09,696
- Here's the little tyke.
- [Both] Oh!
160
00:13:09,766 --> 00:13:12,394
Okay, that's enough
germs. Wait! Wait a minute.
161
00:13:12,468 --> 00:13:15,995
We haven't even seen him yet. Go ahead,
breathe all over him. I don't care.
162
00:13:20,143 --> 00:13:22,407
What is this, some kind
of sick practical joke?
163
00:13:22,478 --> 00:13:24,537
What are you talking about?
He's got your eyes.
164
00:13:24,614 --> 00:13:26,605
Take that hideous thing away.
165
00:13:26,682 --> 00:13:29,879
Come on. They all
look like this at first.
166
00:13:29,952 --> 00:13:35,788
You see, when the baby passes through the
birth canal, its head gets a little pointy.
167
00:13:35,858 --> 00:13:38,224
He should round out in
a couple days. Promise.
168
00:13:38,294 --> 00:13:41,730
That's not a baby.
That's a Mr. Potato Head.
169
00:13:41,798 --> 00:13:43,527
Harry, call
the hospital administrator.
170
00:13:43,599 --> 00:13:47,558
Hey! You're right.
This is a Mr. Potato Head.
171
00:13:49,038 --> 00:13:51,029
Gosh, they're so lifelike.
172
00:13:51,107 --> 00:13:53,701
Anybody could've made
this mistake.
173
00:13:53,776 --> 00:13:57,075
I'll be right back
with the real Nicholas.
174
00:13:57,146 --> 00:14:01,139
Harry, what are they doing to
us? Calm down, Brenda. Calm down.
175
00:14:01,217 --> 00:14:03,879
We don't want you to get
postpartum anxiety.
176
00:14:03,953 --> 00:14:08,413
Now, as soon as we get our son,
I'm going to report this quack.
177
00:14:08,491 --> 00:14:10,925
Thank God you took that
assertiveness training course.
178
00:14:10,993 --> 00:14:13,154
Yeah.
179
00:14:13,229 --> 00:14:15,595
Here's the little tyke.
[Chuckling]
180
00:14:15,665 --> 00:14:18,828
You've been a naughty little
baby. Yes, you have. [Sighs]
181
00:14:18,901 --> 00:14:23,338
Playing peekaboo with Mommy and
Daddy. About time. Nick, it's your dad.
182
00:14:25,908 --> 00:14:29,105
He's got a strong, determined jaw
just like his old man there.
183
00:14:29,178 --> 00:14:31,339
[Imitates Baby Cooing
And Crying]
184
00:14:31,414 --> 00:14:33,473
Whoops.
[Imitates Baby Crying]
185
00:14:33,549 --> 00:14:36,746
- Great. Now you made him cry.
- I don't believe this.
186
00:14:36,819 --> 00:14:41,119
[Continues Imitating
Baby Crying]
187
00:14:44,727 --> 00:14:47,787
Is this okay? Would you
rather breast-feed him?
188
00:14:47,864 --> 00:14:50,492
Get away from me!
I'm gonna kill you!
189
00:14:50,566 --> 00:14:53,034
[Gasps]
What kind of hospital is this?
190
00:14:53,102 --> 00:14:56,469
All right,
Mr. And Mrs. Lamaze!
191
00:14:56,539 --> 00:15:00,441
You see, due to a slight clerical error,
your son has been temporarily misplaced.
192
00:15:00,510 --> 00:15:04,310
- You lost our son?
- Did I say lost? I said misplaced!
193
00:15:04,380 --> 00:15:09,181
I'm suing you for... for malpractice,
negligence... you name it!
194
00:15:09,252 --> 00:15:13,985
Just jump all over me! What about
the nine kids I didn't lose this week?
195
00:15:14,056 --> 00:15:17,048
My baby! What have they
done with my baby?
196
00:15:17,126 --> 00:15:21,153
It was your fault. If you hadn't distracted me
with that video equipment in the delivery room,
197
00:15:21,230 --> 00:15:23,892
I might not have misplaced
your little brat!
198
00:15:23,966 --> 00:15:26,833
- Doctor. We found him.
- See?
199
00:15:26,903 --> 00:15:31,431
He was down the hall in the
laundry hamper. [Both] Oh!
200
00:15:31,507 --> 00:15:33,498
Oh, he's beautiful.
201
00:15:33,576 --> 00:15:36,943
I hope you're both
ashamed of yourselves.
202
00:15:37,013 --> 00:15:41,177
All this hysteria when he was safe
and sound not 20 feet from this room.
203
00:15:41,250 --> 00:15:45,846
Doctor, you're due in surgery
for that kidney transplant.
204
00:15:45,922 --> 00:15:47,913
Where's the donor organ?
205
00:15:47,990 --> 00:15:49,981
The donor organ?
206
00:15:51,727 --> 00:15:53,888
God, I had it with me when I
left the house this morning.
207
00:15:57,200 --> 00:16:01,261
[Man] Good morning and welcome
to Movies Till Sunrise.
208
00:16:01,337 --> 00:16:05,967
Our feature presentation is the
1954 science fiction classic,
209
00:16:06,042 --> 00:16:08,306
Amazon Women on the Moon,
210
00:16:08,377 --> 00:16:11,778
starring Laird Granger
and Greta Van Zandt,
211
00:16:11,847 --> 00:16:15,908
complete and uncut, with no
commercial interruptions.
212
00:16:15,985 --> 00:16:17,976
This used to be me.
213
00:16:18,054 --> 00:16:20,887
Old before my years,
ignored by women,
214
00:16:20,957 --> 00:16:22,948
passed over for promotions.
215
00:16:23,025 --> 00:16:25,459
But now all that has changed.
216
00:16:27,730 --> 00:16:30,426
Hi. I'm Sy Swerdlow,
217
00:16:30,499 --> 00:16:34,230
and I invented the patented process
known as "hair looming. "
218
00:16:34,303 --> 00:16:39,263
If you suffer from premature hair loss,
let our team of technicians...
219
00:16:39,342 --> 00:16:43,472
visit you in the privacy
of your home...
220
00:16:43,546 --> 00:16:46,208
so there will be
no embarrassment.
221
00:16:46,282 --> 00:16:48,807
You choose from our selection...
222
00:16:48,884 --> 00:16:52,217
of over 200 colors and styles.
223
00:16:52,288 --> 00:16:56,281
Then your head
will be carpeted...
224
00:16:56,359 --> 00:16:59,226
with 100% pure acrylic fiber,
[Whirring]
225
00:16:59,295 --> 00:17:01,286
Completely natural-looking.
[Tacking]
226
00:17:03,232 --> 00:17:05,427
You can sleep in it.
227
00:17:05,501 --> 00:17:07,799
You can shower in it.
228
00:17:07,870 --> 00:17:10,464
[Vacuuming]
229
00:17:10,539 --> 00:17:12,973
It changed my life,
230
00:17:14,610 --> 00:17:16,737
and it'll change yours.
231
00:17:16,812 --> 00:17:18,803
Call toll free...
232
00:17:18,881 --> 00:17:22,510
1- 800-GET-HAIR.
233
00:17:50,513 --> 00:17:53,107
[Radio Static]
234
00:17:56,419 --> 00:17:59,980
Well, men, I've been studying this map
of the lunar surface, [Monkey Chattering]
235
00:18:00,056 --> 00:18:02,786
And I've chosen the dark side
as our landing site.
236
00:18:02,858 --> 00:18:08,194
- So, don't forget your space beams.
- Roger, Steve.
237
00:18:11,033 --> 00:18:14,833
Just think, Loony, in less than an
hour, we're gonna be on the moon.
238
00:18:14,904 --> 00:18:18,897
The first thing I'm gonna do is carve
me off a hunk of that green cheese.
239
00:18:18,974 --> 00:18:22,569
Now, Butch, you know one of
the purposes of this mission...
240
00:18:22,645 --> 00:18:25,375
is to dispel
some of those myths.
241
00:18:25,448 --> 00:18:28,008
Steve, I've got the president
on the electro-scan.
242
00:18:32,054 --> 00:18:35,114
Willikers!
[Beep]
243
00:18:35,191 --> 00:18:37,250
[Man] Come in, men of Moon Rocket One.
244
00:18:37,326 --> 00:18:41,194
This is the president of the United
States calling from planet Earth.
245
00:18:43,299 --> 00:18:45,290
We read you, Mr. President.
246
00:18:45,368 --> 00:18:48,565
This is Steve Nelson,
commander, Moon Rocket One.
247
00:18:48,637 --> 00:18:53,165
Commander Nelson, this is a
proud day for all Americans,
248
00:18:53,242 --> 00:18:56,678
and this year of 1980 will
be remembered as the year...
249
00:18:56,746 --> 00:18:59,544
an American
first set foot on the moon.
250
00:18:59,615 --> 00:19:03,016
The governors
of all 48 states join me...
251
00:19:03,085 --> 00:19:05,280
in wishing Godspeed
to you...
252
00:19:05,354 --> 00:19:07,720
and your handpicked team
of scientists.
253
00:19:07,790 --> 00:19:09,849
That's us, Loony.
254
00:19:09,925 --> 00:19:13,053
Thank you, Mr. President. We're
proud to serve our country.
255
00:19:13,129 --> 00:19:15,120
Over and out.
256
00:19:16,632 --> 00:19:20,500
Blackie, neutralize
the electro-scan.
257
00:19:20,569 --> 00:19:23,299
[Click] Electro-scan neutralized, sir.
258
00:19:23,372 --> 00:19:25,897
There she is,
dead ahead!
259
00:19:33,783 --> 00:19:36,752
It's awesome, isn't it?
260
00:19:36,819 --> 00:19:39,447
[Blackie] I've got big plans
for that piece of real estate.
261
00:19:39,522 --> 00:19:41,683
I'm going to sell
advertising space on that.
262
00:19:41,757 --> 00:19:45,090
Just picture this... the
world's biggest billboard.
263
00:19:45,161 --> 00:19:47,152
We'll make a bundle.
264
00:19:47,229 --> 00:19:49,789
Hold your horses, Blackie.
265
00:19:49,865 --> 00:19:53,130
This voyage is for
the betterment of mankind.
266
00:19:53,202 --> 00:19:55,864
[Voice Distorts] Let's
not any of us forget that.
267
00:19:55,938 --> 00:19:57,929
[Distorted]
Sure, chief.
268
00:20:08,317 --> 00:20:10,308
There goes my lunch.
269
00:20:10,386 --> 00:20:12,377
[Groans]
270
00:20:12,455 --> 00:20:14,821
It's right up there
with my stomach.
271
00:20:14,890 --> 00:20:18,951
[Chuckling]
Prepare for moon landing.
272
00:20:19,028 --> 00:20:22,862
- Initiate rotation system.
- Rotation initiated.
273
00:20:23,799 --> 00:20:25,790
Reverse retros.
274
00:20:25,868 --> 00:20:27,859
Retros reversed.
275
00:20:34,910 --> 00:20:38,368
Steve, we're losing pressure
in the atom chamber.
276
00:20:38,447 --> 00:20:40,472
If it drops any more,
we're goners.
277
00:20:40,549 --> 00:20:44,781
[Alarm Sounding]
278
00:20:49,592 --> 00:20:51,617
Quick, Blackie,
switch to the emergency...
279
00:20:53,662 --> 00:20:58,258
♪ Tie a yellow ribbon
round the old oak tree ♪
280
00:20:58,334 --> 00:21:00,996
♪ It's been
three long years ♪
281
00:21:01,070 --> 00:21:03,698
♪ Do ya still want me ♪
282
00:21:03,772 --> 00:21:09,176
♪ If I don't see a ribbon
round the old oak tree ♪
283
00:21:09,245 --> 00:21:12,271
♪ I'll stay on the bus
forget about us ♪
284
00:21:12,348 --> 00:21:14,441
♪ Put the blame on me ♪
285
00:21:14,517 --> 00:21:16,508
Did you know
that every seven minutes,
286
00:21:16,585 --> 00:21:20,146
a black person is born
in this country without soul?
287
00:21:20,222 --> 00:21:22,816
Hello, I'm B.B. King.
288
00:21:22,892 --> 00:21:25,725
Won't you help Don Simmons
and the thousands of others...
289
00:21:25,794 --> 00:21:28,490
that suffer from
this tragic disorder?
290
00:21:28,564 --> 00:21:32,898
Its cruel symptoms can strike
anyone. Let's take a look.
291
00:21:32,968 --> 00:21:37,530
I think the Republican Party has done
one heck of a job. Don't you, June?
292
00:21:37,606 --> 00:21:41,667
I'll say, Ward. We Republicans
have turned this country around.
293
00:21:41,744 --> 00:21:43,769
[Both Chuckling]
294
00:21:43,846 --> 00:21:46,747
[Siren Wails] Safety and good
mileage are the two things...
295
00:21:46,815 --> 00:21:49,648
I looked for
in a new car.
296
00:21:49,718 --> 00:21:53,085
That's why I bought
a Volvo station wagon.
297
00:21:53,155 --> 00:21:57,683
Hi. I'm president of the David
Hartman Fan Club here in Glendale.
298
00:21:57,760 --> 00:22:00,923
I've even met David Hartman
once. What a neat guy.
299
00:22:04,300 --> 00:22:07,497
♪ Chim-chimeny, chim-chimeny
chim-chim cheree ♪
300
00:22:07,570 --> 00:22:11,199
♪ A sweep is as lucky
as lucky can be ♪
301
00:22:11,273 --> 00:22:14,470
♪ Chim-chimeny, chim-chimeny
chim-chim cheroo ♪
302
00:22:14,543 --> 00:22:17,910
♪ Good luck will rub off
when I shake hands with you ♪
303
00:22:17,980 --> 00:22:21,245
This is B.B. King saying
won't you please give...
304
00:22:21,317 --> 00:22:24,343
so that Don Simmons here
and so many others...
305
00:22:24,420 --> 00:22:26,786
can become useful members
of society.
306
00:22:26,855 --> 00:22:31,554
♪ Or blow me a kiss
and that's lucky too ♪
307
00:22:31,627 --> 00:22:33,822
Write to...
308
00:22:37,766 --> 00:22:39,757
Thank you.
309
00:22:44,139 --> 00:22:46,130
Be right there.
310
00:22:53,582 --> 00:22:55,573
Karen?
Hi.
311
00:22:55,651 --> 00:22:57,642
Hi. I'm Jerry Stone. Hi,
Jerry. Nice meeting you.
312
00:22:57,720 --> 00:23:00,154
I'm sorry. I'm running a little
bit late. Don't worry about it.
313
00:23:00,222 --> 00:23:02,213
You look nice.
Thank you.
314
00:23:03,759 --> 00:23:06,125
This is a great apartment.
Thanks.
315
00:23:06,195 --> 00:23:08,186
[Sprays]
316
00:23:14,436 --> 00:23:16,870
Uh, I hope you like sushi.
317
00:23:16,939 --> 00:23:20,431
I made reservations
at Tokyo Rose on Columbus.
318
00:23:20,509 --> 00:23:24,036
Great.
I hear it's terrific.
319
00:23:24,113 --> 00:23:26,604
Normally there's a waiting list,
but I know the maitre d'.
320
00:23:28,350 --> 00:23:30,375
You know,
I gotta tell you,
321
00:23:30,452 --> 00:23:33,353
I never go on blind dates,
but, uh,
322
00:23:33,422 --> 00:23:37,449
I just have a feeling
that this might be special.
323
00:23:38,894 --> 00:23:42,660
Jerry? Before we leave, do
me one small favor, will you?
324
00:23:42,731 --> 00:23:44,722
Sure. What?
325
00:23:44,800 --> 00:23:48,964
Would you mind showing me a credit
card and a valid driver's license?
326
00:23:49,038 --> 00:23:53,475
- You're kidding. Why?
- I'd like to run a "couple compatibility" check.
327
00:23:53,542 --> 00:23:57,171
What the heck is that?
328
00:23:57,246 --> 00:24:00,272
You know, Jerry, it's tough being
a single girl in the big city.
329
00:24:00,349 --> 00:24:02,579
You meet all kinds
of phonies and creeps.
330
00:24:02,651 --> 00:24:05,848
That's why this machine
comes in handy.
331
00:24:05,921 --> 00:24:10,119
I just enter your I.D., and the central
computer will tell me about your background.
332
00:24:10,192 --> 00:24:12,752
[Chuckles] I don't want a bank
loan. I just want to take you out.
333
00:24:12,828 --> 00:24:16,889
I know, but I'd feel better
running a check. Two I.D.'s, please.
334
00:24:16,965 --> 00:24:19,934
You're serious.
335
00:24:20,002 --> 00:24:23,096
[Machine Beeps] It'll
just take a minute.
336
00:24:23,172 --> 00:24:26,232
This is ridiculous, but, uh...
[Punching Number Pad]
337
00:24:28,243 --> 00:24:30,234
Here's, uh...
Three-one-six.
338
00:24:30,312 --> 00:24:33,110
That's a cute picture.
[Chuckles] MasterCard.
339
00:24:41,957 --> 00:24:43,982
I don't know how I ever got
along without one of these.
340
00:24:44,059 --> 00:24:46,050
Changed my life.
341
00:24:46,128 --> 00:24:48,119
Feel the same way
about my VCR.
342
00:24:48,197 --> 00:24:50,688
Ooh. Right now I'm taping
Sophie's Choice with Meryl Streep.
343
00:24:50,766 --> 00:24:54,361
- I love Meryl Streep.
- Oh, I am so into her.
344
00:24:54,436 --> 00:24:56,131
[Sighs]
345
00:24:56,205 --> 00:24:59,641
[Printer Buzzing]
Here it comes now.
346
00:25:10,819 --> 00:25:12,810
[Laughs]
[Bell Dings]
347
00:25:14,857 --> 00:25:18,588
All that about me? Geez.
They are very thorough.
348
00:25:20,496 --> 00:25:24,227
- [Giggles] This is great!
- What? What?
349
00:25:28,837 --> 00:25:31,670
- Oh.
- What do you got there?
350
00:25:37,446 --> 00:25:41,678
Uh-oh. [Sighs] Uh-oh?
What's... What's uh-oh?
351
00:25:41,750 --> 00:25:43,741
Jerry,
352
00:25:46,889 --> 00:25:50,017
does the name Debbie Rothenberg
mean anything to you?
353
00:25:50,092 --> 00:25:53,960
Uh... Debbie Rothenberg.
Uh...
354
00:25:54,029 --> 00:25:56,293
Oh, yeah. I think I went
out with her once or twice.
355
00:25:56,365 --> 00:26:00,096
You had sex with her on the second date,
and then you never called her again.
356
00:26:00,169 --> 00:26:03,798
- I hate when guys do that.
- It says all that?
357
00:26:03,872 --> 00:26:06,340
[Scoffs] Does the phrase
"You're not only beautiful,
358
00:26:06,408 --> 00:26:09,809
but you're someone I feel I can
open up to" mean anything to you?
359
00:26:09,878 --> 00:26:11,869
[Chuckles]
360
00:26:11,947 --> 00:26:14,973
I'm not surprised. You've used
that line on your last 16 dates.
361
00:26:15,050 --> 00:26:17,314
Look, this is ridiculous.
362
00:26:17,386 --> 00:26:20,719
Debbie... Uh, Karen,
I think...
363
00:26:20,789 --> 00:26:23,019
that we have something
very special here.
364
00:26:23,091 --> 00:26:26,492
You're not like the other women
you... "You meet in the city. "
365
00:26:26,562 --> 00:26:28,996
See what I mean?
366
00:26:29,064 --> 00:26:31,055
And, Jerry,
367
00:26:33,135 --> 00:26:36,161
I could never get serious about
someone who's selfish in bed.
368
00:26:36,238 --> 00:26:41,073
"Who's selfish in bed"? Well,
how would you describe a man...
369
00:26:41,143 --> 00:26:44,670
who satisfies his own needs and
rolls over and goes to sleep?
370
00:26:44,746 --> 00:26:47,306
- I never did that in my life!
- Eleven times!
371
00:26:47,382 --> 00:26:51,113
You want names and dates? No.
No, I do not! Look, hey, hold it.
372
00:26:51,186 --> 00:26:54,280
Anyway, that is just a small
fraction of the hundreds of times...
373
00:26:54,356 --> 00:26:56,347
I've been intimate
with women.
374
00:26:56,425 --> 00:26:58,791
We're exaggerating a little,
aren't we, Jerry?
375
00:27:00,662 --> 00:27:03,825
The record only shows
21 sexual intimacies.
376
00:27:05,734 --> 00:27:10,171
There you are. This doesn't jibe
with my figures. Okay, sweetie?
377
00:27:10,239 --> 00:27:14,175
Jerry, the statistics don't
paint the picture of a mature man.
378
00:27:14,243 --> 00:27:16,643
Twelve times, you ignored
your date at a party...
379
00:27:16,712 --> 00:27:19,180
to flirt with
a more attractive woman.
380
00:27:19,248 --> 00:27:24,185
169 times, you feigned interest when
a woman was talking about her career.
381
00:27:25,254 --> 00:27:28,621
On 17 occasions,
you lied to women,
382
00:27:28,690 --> 00:27:32,126
telling them you were really into
sushi and Meryl Streep movies.
383
00:27:33,295 --> 00:27:35,354
Make that 18 times.
384
00:27:37,032 --> 00:27:39,899
Wh-Wh-Where do they
get these figures?
385
00:27:39,968 --> 00:27:41,959
As you can see,
Jerry,
386
00:27:42,037 --> 00:27:44,562
it would be pointless
for you and I to go out.
387
00:27:44,640 --> 00:27:46,631
Oh, yeah?
388
00:27:46,708 --> 00:27:49,268
Well, I'm gonna get one of those
machines and see how well you come off!
389
00:27:49,344 --> 00:27:51,744
Okay?
Good night, Jerry.
390
00:27:51,813 --> 00:27:54,247
It's early yet. Maybe you
can still get lucky in a bar.
391
00:27:57,319 --> 00:27:59,310
Like you did
last Thursday.
392
00:28:02,190 --> 00:28:04,385
Hello, Beverly?
393
00:28:04,459 --> 00:28:06,620
[Woman] Yeah? Hi.
394
00:28:06,695 --> 00:28:10,062
This is Jerry Stone. We met
the other night at Dave's party.
395
00:28:11,833 --> 00:28:15,200
Oh. Hi.
Hi.
396
00:28:15,270 --> 00:28:17,500
Listen, I know
it's last minute,
397
00:28:17,572 --> 00:28:20,803
but I wanna ask you,
are you free tonight?
398
00:28:20,876 --> 00:28:22,969
Uh, yeah.
399
00:28:23,045 --> 00:28:25,036
You are. Great.
400
00:28:25,113 --> 00:28:29,846
Listen, I can pick you up
in 10 minutes.
401
00:28:29,918 --> 00:28:32,648
[Chuckles]
Sure, okay.
402
00:28:32,721 --> 00:28:35,952
Oh, Jerry, um...
Yeah?
403
00:28:36,024 --> 00:28:39,516
Could you bring a major credit
card and a valid driver's license?
404
00:28:41,630 --> 00:28:43,621
Jerry?
405
00:28:46,168 --> 00:28:50,730
[Man] Extraterrestrials.
Strange phenomena.
406
00:28:50,806 --> 00:28:54,207
Missing persons.
Lost continents.
407
00:28:54,276 --> 00:28:57,643
Myths and monsters.
408
00:28:57,713 --> 00:29:01,547
We examine these mysteries
to determine...
409
00:29:01,616 --> 00:29:04,585
are they bullshit or not?
410
00:29:10,325 --> 00:29:12,316
London's West End.
411
00:29:12,394 --> 00:29:15,955
Here, in the winter of 1888,
412
00:29:16,031 --> 00:29:19,467
a series of bizarre
and violent murders occurred,
413
00:29:19,534 --> 00:29:23,971
which remain unsolved
to this very day.
414
00:29:31,713 --> 00:29:34,045
Jack the Ripper.
415
00:29:34,116 --> 00:29:37,643
Was he a prosperous
London surgeon?
416
00:29:37,719 --> 00:29:40,620
Perhaps a member
of British royalty.
417
00:29:40,689 --> 00:29:44,887
Well, our Bullshit team
has unearthed...
418
00:29:44,960 --> 00:29:47,622
spectacular new evidence
which suggests...
419
00:29:49,197 --> 00:29:51,757
that Jack the Ripper
was, in fact,
420
00:29:53,135 --> 00:29:55,763
the Loch Ness Monster.
421
00:29:55,837 --> 00:29:59,034
Is it possible
that Nessie...
422
00:29:59,107 --> 00:30:03,942
murdered five streetwalkers
before returning to Loch Ness?
423
00:30:04,012 --> 00:30:06,037
Using undiscovered evidence,
424
00:30:06,114 --> 00:30:09,572
we've pieced together the events
leading up to the first murder.
425
00:30:09,651 --> 00:30:12,051
Although this is
a Bullshit reenactment,
426
00:30:12,120 --> 00:30:14,953
it may have happened
just this way.
427
00:30:15,023 --> 00:30:18,220
Hello, dearie. Show you
a good time for a quid.
428
00:30:18,293 --> 00:30:20,386
Throw the wife in for free.
Oh, gents.
429
00:30:20,462 --> 00:30:24,296
Don't you want a girl
to keep you warm tonight?
430
00:30:24,366 --> 00:30:28,996
[Sighs] Me mum told me there
would be nights like this.
431
00:30:29,071 --> 00:30:31,562
[Murmuring]
Oh, my!
432
00:30:31,640 --> 00:30:35,371
You are a big one,
now, aren't you?
433
00:30:35,444 --> 00:30:37,503
Come on, darlin'.
434
00:30:40,048 --> 00:30:42,039
[Chortling]
435
00:30:43,852 --> 00:30:46,878
[Wheels Squeaking]
436
00:30:50,092 --> 00:30:53,755
Mind you, don't you be
steppin' on my feet now.
437
00:30:53,829 --> 00:30:57,731
[Murmuring]
Ooh!
438
00:30:57,799 --> 00:31:01,360
Aren't you in an hurry!
Now, will you be careful.
439
00:31:01,436 --> 00:31:04,064
Not so rough, da...
Wait a min...
440
00:31:04,139 --> 00:31:06,903
[Screaming]
441
00:31:09,644 --> 00:31:11,908
Is this the way
it happened?
442
00:31:11,980 --> 00:31:15,973
Was Jack the Ripper, in fact, a
60-foot sea serpent from Scotland?
443
00:31:17,452 --> 00:31:21,320
Did I take this job
for a quick buck?
444
00:31:21,389 --> 00:31:24,950
We may never know the answers
to these questions. Next week...
445
00:31:25,660 --> 00:31:28,288
Come on.
446
00:31:28,363 --> 00:31:31,127
[Man] To recap the three movies
that we reviewed this week...
447
00:31:31,199 --> 00:31:33,360
here on Critics Corner,
448
00:31:33,435 --> 00:31:35,926
Marc and I both gave
a big thumbs up...
449
00:31:36,004 --> 00:31:40,031
to the new Swedish film
directed by, uh, Olaf Svensen.
450
00:31:40,108 --> 00:31:44,636
Olaf Svensen, called
The Winter of my Despondency.
451
00:31:44,713 --> 00:31:48,581
- Haunting abstract symbolism.
- It's arty crap.
452
00:31:48,650 --> 00:31:51,551
Jonathan and I did
split, however... [Yawns]
453
00:31:51,620 --> 00:31:55,454
On the newest teenage romp
called Frat Slobs.
454
00:31:55,524 --> 00:31:57,651
Jonathan, I think,
thought it to be...
455
00:31:57,726 --> 00:32:00,718
a light,
frothy soufflé...
456
00:32:00,795 --> 00:32:03,559
sizzling with youthful
energy. That I did.
457
00:32:03,632 --> 00:32:07,295
On the other hand, I
thought it was pond scum.
458
00:32:07,369 --> 00:32:10,202
You're an albino.
What the hell do you know?
459
00:32:10,272 --> 00:32:12,263
We have a new feature we'd like
to introduce on Critics Corner...
460
00:32:12,340 --> 00:32:16,037
we hope you'll enjoy. We
call it "Real Life Reviews,"
461
00:32:16,111 --> 00:32:20,377
in which we critique the life of
an average person just like you.
462
00:32:20,448 --> 00:32:25,476
Jonathan will begin with a review
of the life of Harvey Putnik.
463
00:32:25,554 --> 00:32:28,352
[Jonathan] No. Pitnik.
Pitnik, of Skokie, Indiana.
464
00:32:28,423 --> 00:32:30,414
Illinois.
Illinois.
465
00:32:30,492 --> 00:32:33,689
Harvey Pitnik of Skokie, Illinois.
Bernice. Bernice, come here.
466
00:32:33,762 --> 00:32:35,753
They're talking about me
on the television.
467
00:32:35,830 --> 00:32:37,855
What?
Come here.
468
00:32:37,933 --> 00:32:41,198
Harvey Pitnik would seem to have all the
ingredients... [Bernice, Harvey Laugh]
469
00:32:41,269 --> 00:32:43,635
For a successful life.
You'd think so.
470
00:32:43,705 --> 00:32:46,333
So why does he fail so
miserably? I don't know.
471
00:32:46,408 --> 00:32:48,672
I think the problem
is with Harvey himself.
472
00:32:48,743 --> 00:32:50,904
What the hell is this?
You're right. It is Harvey.
473
00:32:50,979 --> 00:32:52,844
Very good, Jonathan.
It is Harvey.
474
00:32:52,914 --> 00:32:55,781
So, we're supposed to care
about this Harvey Pitnik?
475
00:32:55,850 --> 00:33:01,618
Why? I mean, it takes him 30 years
to develop any character at all,
476
00:33:01,690 --> 00:33:04,124
and by the time he does,
who cares?
477
00:33:04,192 --> 00:33:07,423
They're crucifying me.
It's hardly worth the wait.
478
00:33:07,495 --> 00:33:10,430
He didn't like Gandhi either.
Let me show you.
479
00:33:10,498 --> 00:33:14,730
Here's a scene from last year as
Harvey is coming home from work.
480
00:33:14,803 --> 00:33:17,795
[Groans, Sighs]
481
00:33:23,245 --> 00:33:26,180
Oh. Hi, Scraps.
[Low Growl]
482
00:33:26,248 --> 00:33:28,307
Hi, Dad.
Hi, kids.
483
00:33:28,383 --> 00:33:31,079
[Harvey] How did they
do this? Hi, honey.
484
00:33:31,152 --> 00:33:33,279
Hi, dear.
Ooh. Potatoes.
485
00:33:33,355 --> 00:33:38,122
I didn't cons... I didn't
consent for this to be on TV.
486
00:33:38,193 --> 00:33:41,321
Dinner'll be ready
in five minutes. Okay.
487
00:33:44,065 --> 00:33:46,056
[Sighs]
488
00:33:49,738 --> 00:33:53,367
- Some exciting home life, huh?
- And it goes on like that,
489
00:33:53,441 --> 00:33:56,774
tediously,
day in and day out.
490
00:33:56,845 --> 00:33:58,836
Where's the love?
Where's the passion?
491
00:33:58,913 --> 00:34:03,475
Where's the examination
of one's own existence?
492
00:34:03,551 --> 00:34:06,645
This is a poor excuse
for a life.
493
00:34:06,721 --> 00:34:09,519
I give Harvey Pitnik
a... a big thumbs down.
494
00:34:09,591 --> 00:34:12,583
[Harvey] Thumbs down? I
give him a thumbs down too.
495
00:34:12,661 --> 00:34:16,119
But I didn't hate Harvey
quite as much as you, Jonathan.
496
00:34:16,197 --> 00:34:21,100
Oh, granted, his life was
a miserable waste of time,
497
00:34:21,169 --> 00:34:23,967
but I rather enjoyed
the Kafkaesque touches.
498
00:34:24,039 --> 00:34:27,668
Here's a loser trapped
in a dead-end job...
499
00:34:27,742 --> 00:34:30,233
and a...
a loveless marriage.
500
00:34:30,312 --> 00:34:34,339
How do they know that? [Marc] Couldn't they
have done anything to make this man human?
501
00:34:34,416 --> 00:34:36,407
Think of the money it took
to bring him into the world.
502
00:34:36,484 --> 00:34:40,784
A ton! To feed him and to clothe
him and then to educate him.
503
00:34:40,855 --> 00:34:43,153
And after all that,
what have you got?
504
00:34:43,224 --> 00:34:46,125
- You've got a big bore!
- A dull clod!
505
00:34:46,194 --> 00:34:49,186
An empty suit.
And another thing,
506
00:34:49,264 --> 00:34:51,255
I was always one step ahead
of this guy's life.
507
00:34:51,333 --> 00:34:53,801
There just were no surprises!
No. Wait a minute.
508
00:34:53,868 --> 00:34:56,666
What about the ending of his
life? That came as a surprise.
509
00:34:56,738 --> 00:34:59,172
Ending?
I saw that coming a mile away!
510
00:34:59,240 --> 00:35:01,231
I didn't.
What ending?
511
00:35:01,309 --> 00:35:04,073
The high blood pressure. The
lack of exercise. True. Uh-huh.
512
00:35:04,145 --> 00:35:06,136
The bad diet.
Of course.
513
00:35:06,214 --> 00:35:11,481
By the time he finally has his heart
attack in front of the TV, big deal!
514
00:35:11,553 --> 00:35:14,454
Heart attack? Heart attack? [Marc]
It's such a mundane way to go.
515
00:35:14,522 --> 00:35:17,457
What are they talking about? A heart
attack? I didn't have a... [Groans]
516
00:35:17,525 --> 00:35:22,087
[Marc] Wouldn't it have been more dramatic
if, say, he'd fallen down an elevator shaft?
517
00:35:22,163 --> 00:35:25,428
He should've died years earlier.
Maybe in a submarine accident.
518
00:35:25,500 --> 00:35:29,459
[Bernice] Harvey? Oh, my
God! Possibly a giant squid.
519
00:35:29,537 --> 00:35:32,438
Something to add a little science
fiction to it. I'm calling an ambulance.
520
00:35:32,507 --> 00:35:35,203
I'm calling an ambulance! A
tragic waste, but who cares?
521
00:35:35,276 --> 00:35:37,938
Oh, I see our time is up. We
want to thank you very much...
522
00:35:38,012 --> 00:35:40,071
for joining us
on Critics Corner.
523
00:35:40,148 --> 00:35:43,379
Hope you'll be back next week when we'll
have an aisle seat reserved just for you.
524
00:35:43,451 --> 00:35:45,442
Bye-bye.
♪ [Organ: Perky Theme]
525
00:35:45,520 --> 00:35:48,512
There's so many things he could've
done. He could've had a better haircut.
526
00:35:50,258 --> 00:35:53,557
[Man] We now return to the 1957 film,
527
00:35:53,628 --> 00:35:55,619
Amazon Women
on the Moon,
528
00:35:55,697 --> 00:35:58,257
starring Bill Thomas
and Buzzy Clark.
529
00:35:58,333 --> 00:36:01,097
There will be no
further interruptions.
530
00:36:08,943 --> 00:36:10,934
Well, here we are
on the moon.
531
00:36:14,549 --> 00:36:16,540
[Butch]
This place gives me the willies.
532
00:36:16,618 --> 00:36:19,178
Think we'll run into
any moon men?
533
00:36:19,254 --> 00:36:21,722
Not intelligent life
as you and I know it, Butch.
534
00:36:21,790 --> 00:36:25,920
If there are any Martians, I'll bet
they speak the universal language...
535
00:36:25,994 --> 00:36:27,962
do-re-mi!
536
00:36:28,029 --> 00:36:31,260
You remember the space oath you
took at the academy, Blackie?
537
00:36:31,332 --> 00:36:35,063
"I will not exploit other worlds
for personal gain. "
538
00:36:35,136 --> 00:36:37,127
Look at that.
539
00:36:38,173 --> 00:36:41,631
Follow me, men.
Keep your eyes open.
540
00:36:41,709 --> 00:36:44,143
[Murray]
Selma!
541
00:37:29,257 --> 00:37:34,559
- [Loony Chattering]
- Hey, dig that crazy full moon.
542
00:37:34,629 --> 00:37:38,258
That's a full Earth, Butch.
Remember where we are.
543
00:37:38,333 --> 00:37:40,824
Zowie!
544
00:37:40,902 --> 00:37:43,336
This is only a hunch,
but...
545
00:37:43,404 --> 00:37:45,634
Steve! What are you doing?
You're committing suicide!
546
00:37:47,475 --> 00:37:50,774
[Inhales Deeply]
Just as I thought.
547
00:37:50,845 --> 00:37:52,904
The moon has an atmosphere
similar to Earth's.
548
00:37:52,981 --> 00:37:54,972
Take off your helmets,
boys.
549
00:37:57,552 --> 00:37:59,918
[Inhales]
[Laughing]
550
00:37:59,988 --> 00:38:01,979
Good old H20.
551
00:38:02,056 --> 00:38:04,354
Steve, fill me in.
How'd you figure it out?
552
00:38:04,425 --> 00:38:06,916
Seems like Loony
figured it out first.
553
00:38:06,995 --> 00:38:11,091
[Chittering]
[All Chuckling]
554
00:38:11,165 --> 00:38:14,362
That's my Loony,
a regular Einstein.
555
00:38:14,435 --> 00:38:16,426
[All Chuckling]
556
00:38:16,504 --> 00:38:18,495
Look!
[Roaring]
557
00:38:23,545 --> 00:38:27,413
[Yawns] [Announcer] Are
your parties dull and boring?
558
00:38:27,482 --> 00:38:30,246
[Sighs] Well, why not liven them up...
559
00:38:30,318 --> 00:38:32,718
with the snack food
that's sweeping America.
560
00:38:32,787 --> 00:38:36,917
Mmm! Say, Mike, this is some great
paté. It has such a unique flavor.
561
00:38:36,991 --> 00:38:41,894
It's more than just an
ordinary paté, Bill. Watch.
562
00:38:41,963 --> 00:38:45,160
- [Boing]
- [People] Whoa!
563
00:38:45,233 --> 00:38:48,532
What the... You know, I never
saw an appetizer do that before.
564
00:38:48,603 --> 00:38:50,969
Well, you never tried
Silly Paté before!
565
00:38:51,039 --> 00:38:54,975
Not only is it fun at parties,
it's low in saturated fats.
566
00:38:55,043 --> 00:38:57,534
And look.
567
00:38:57,612 --> 00:39:01,241
- It picks up your favorite comic strip!
- [Gasping]
568
00:39:01,316 --> 00:39:03,307
I'm eating Doonesbury.
569
00:39:04,385 --> 00:39:06,910
And I'm eating
Beetle Bailey.
570
00:39:06,988 --> 00:39:10,754
[All Laughing] [Announcer] You'll never
have a dull, lifeless party again...
571
00:39:10,825 --> 00:39:12,816
with Silly Paté.
572
00:39:12,894 --> 00:39:14,555
[Boing]
573
00:39:14,629 --> 00:39:18,565
Available in all fine gourmet
shops and toy stores everywhere.
574
00:39:18,633 --> 00:39:21,124
♪ [Organ]
[Woman Crying]
575
00:39:27,375 --> 00:39:29,366
[Sobbing] It's time, Mrs. Pitnik.
576
00:39:32,246 --> 00:39:34,237
Do I have to?
577
00:39:34,315 --> 00:39:36,806
Yeah. We need the room again at 4:00.
578
00:39:38,119 --> 00:39:41,054
[Clears Throat]
Come on.
579
00:39:41,122 --> 00:39:44,319
I- Is Har-Harvey here?
580
00:39:44,392 --> 00:39:47,725
Yeah. He's in repose.
He looks great. Oh!
581
00:39:47,795 --> 00:39:51,561
Okay, let's move along.
That's right.
582
00:39:51,633 --> 00:39:55,194
Just relax, Mrs. Pitnik. You're
young. You'll... You'll meet someone.
583
00:39:55,269 --> 00:39:59,035
[Sobs] Send the kids to
camp. That's what I would do.
584
00:40:00,642 --> 00:40:02,735
Okay, family up front,
on the left.
585
00:40:05,079 --> 00:40:07,741
- Well, I guess that's it.
- [Chattering]
586
00:40:17,191 --> 00:40:19,682
[Chattering]
587
00:40:21,029 --> 00:40:23,020
Everything's taken care of. Everything.
588
00:40:23,097 --> 00:40:25,565
And the buffet?
To die.
589
00:40:25,633 --> 00:40:28,761
Hey, Scooter. Cute
stuff. [Sniffling, Crying]
590
00:40:30,438 --> 00:40:34,465
Ladies and gentlemen,
this is a wake.
591
00:40:34,542 --> 00:40:38,638
So let's have fun with it, huh? Everybody,
have a great time. ♪ [Organ Stops]
592
00:40:38,713 --> 00:40:40,704
♪ [Up-tempo]
593
00:40:45,820 --> 00:40:47,811
[Man On P.A.] Welcome to
the O'Leary Funeral Home,
594
00:40:47,889 --> 00:40:52,451
where many of the nation's top comedians
have gathered to roast our guest of honor,
595
00:40:52,527 --> 00:40:55,121
the late Harvey Pitnik!
596
00:40:56,130 --> 00:40:59,998
Please welcome...
Rip Taylor!
597
00:41:00,068 --> 00:41:03,265
♪ [Singing Gibberish]
[Applause]
598
00:41:05,039 --> 00:41:08,008
- Slappy White!
- [No Audible Dialogue]
599
00:41:10,545 --> 00:41:12,911
Jackie Vernon!
600
00:41:14,916 --> 00:41:18,010
Henny Youngman!
[No Audible Dialogue]
601
00:41:19,687 --> 00:41:22,155
Charlie Callas!
602
00:41:25,760 --> 00:41:29,355
And our roast master...
Mr. Steve Allen!
603
00:41:29,430 --> 00:41:32,024
[People Gasping]
604
00:41:32,100 --> 00:41:35,399
♪ [Crescendos, Stops]
605
00:41:35,470 --> 00:41:37,870
And here he is,
our man of the hour...
606
00:41:37,939 --> 00:41:40,965
♪ [Drum Roll]
Mr. Harvey Pitnik!
607
00:41:41,042 --> 00:41:45,069
[Sobbing] There's Harvey!
♪ ["Funeral March"]
608
00:41:48,282 --> 00:41:50,682
♪ [Jokey Segue, Stops]
609
00:41:52,353 --> 00:41:55,880
Thank you, ladies and mourners.
[Hammy Laughter]
610
00:41:55,957 --> 00:41:58,323
That's all right, Harvey.
Don't get up.
611
00:41:58,392 --> 00:42:01,452
[Laughter Continues]
[Loud Sob]
612
00:42:01,529 --> 00:42:03,520
Anyway, be that as it may...
and I doubt if it was...
613
00:42:03,598 --> 00:42:08,092
tonight we are here to pay tribute
to a close, personal friend,
614
00:42:08,169 --> 00:42:12,071
Harvey Pupik... I'm sorry.
Uh, Pitnik. Harvey Pitnik.
615
00:42:12,140 --> 00:42:16,133
Harvey was a man, my friends,
who was the same in life...
616
00:42:16,210 --> 00:42:20,874
as he is in death... a stiff!
[Mourners Laughing]
617
00:42:20,948 --> 00:42:25,282
But all seriousness aside, we are
going to lay two things to rest...
618
00:42:25,353 --> 00:42:29,619
Harvey Pitnik and the rumor
that Charlie Callas is funny.
619
00:42:29,690 --> 00:42:33,990
[Laughter] Ladies and gentlemen,
a very funny man, Charlie Callas.
620
00:42:34,061 --> 00:42:36,928
♪ [Jazzy]
[Applause]
621
00:42:36,998 --> 00:42:38,932
Thank you.
Thank you.
622
00:42:39,000 --> 00:42:41,798
♪ [Ends] Thank you.
Harvey, keep it down!
623
00:42:41,869 --> 00:42:45,464
[Nonsense Noises]
[Laughter]
624
00:42:45,540 --> 00:42:50,136
Today, ladies and gentlemen, we're here to
pay homage to the late Harvey Potemkin...
625
00:42:50,211 --> 00:42:53,180
Peshtabil... Poshbulv...
whatever. [Chuckling]
626
00:42:53,247 --> 00:42:55,477
Who cares? Does it matter
now? [Allen] No, no.
627
00:42:55,550 --> 00:43:00,852
And if Harvey were alive today,
he'd be a very sick man. [Giggles]
628
00:43:00,922 --> 00:43:05,825
- [Imitates Taxicab Horn]
- [Laughter]
629
00:43:05,893 --> 00:43:08,361
♪ [Jazzy]
630
00:43:08,429 --> 00:43:11,660
We had... I'm sorry to make this announcement.
We had two disappointments tonight...
631
00:43:11,732 --> 00:43:16,032
Milton Berle could not make it
and Rip Taylor could. [Laughs]
632
00:43:16,103 --> 00:43:18,264
Ladies and gentlemen,
Rip Taylor. All right.
633
00:43:18,339 --> 00:43:20,398
♪ [Fast]
[Applause]
634
00:43:20,474 --> 00:43:23,238
[Applause Continues]
♪ [Ends]
635
00:43:23,311 --> 00:43:26,508
- Thank you so much. Thank you so much.
- [Applause Fades]
636
00:43:26,581 --> 00:43:28,549
Thank you.
Thank you so much, Steve.
637
00:43:28,616 --> 00:43:31,983
Charlie said, "Harvey,
keep it down. " Thank you.
638
00:43:32,053 --> 00:43:35,750
- Oh, well, there goes that act.
- [Laughing]
639
00:43:35,823 --> 00:43:38,553
The president couldn't be here,
Harvey, so he sent a wire.
640
00:43:38,626 --> 00:43:41,686
[Cackles]
[Laughter]
641
00:43:41,762 --> 00:43:44,322
Tell 'em. It's a...
Never mind.
642
00:43:44,398 --> 00:43:47,128
What's this, an audience or a
funeral? Now, pay attention, please.
643
00:43:47,201 --> 00:43:51,103
But I'm a little nervous because
Harvey was a personal friend of mine,
644
00:43:51,172 --> 00:43:54,835
and there's not a person in this
room that Harvey Pitnik did not touch.
645
00:43:54,909 --> 00:43:59,403
I must say, he touched me for 40
bucks and Steve for 20. [Cackles]
646
00:43:59,480 --> 00:44:02,506
Folks, I don't dance.
This is it, you see.
647
00:44:02,583 --> 00:44:05,211
[Laughing]
648
00:44:05,286 --> 00:44:09,586
But I do feel for his widow,
Bernice. That was a romantic marriage.
649
00:44:09,657 --> 00:44:13,491
She learned everything about sex
from a manual.
650
00:44:13,561 --> 00:44:17,224
The "Manuel" was their
gardener. [Cackles]
651
00:44:17,298 --> 00:44:21,462
[Crowd Laughing] [Laughing] I'm
sorry. I better wrap it up now, folks.
652
00:44:21,535 --> 00:44:25,596
'Cause you know the old axiom in
show business... "get off quick. "
653
00:44:25,673 --> 00:44:27,641
Like Harvey
on his wedding night.
654
00:44:27,708 --> 00:44:32,475
- Could you die? I gotta go. Good-bye.
Thank you so much. - ♪ [Fanfare]
655
00:44:32,546 --> 00:44:35,515
Thank you folks. I'm thrilled to
be here tonight to pay tribute...
656
00:44:35,583 --> 00:44:37,517
to the late Harvey Pitnik.
657
00:44:37,585 --> 00:44:39,519
But enough about Harvey.
658
00:44:39,587 --> 00:44:42,750
[Mourners, Panelists Laughing]
659
00:44:42,823 --> 00:44:45,519
Take my wife. Please.
[Continue Laughing]
660
00:44:48,062 --> 00:44:52,055
Why do Jewish divorces cost
so much? They're worth it.
661
00:44:55,336 --> 00:44:58,931
Why do Jewish guys die before
their wives? They want to.
662
00:44:59,006 --> 00:45:02,635
[Laughter,
Scattered Applause]
663
00:45:03,744 --> 00:45:05,735
And that's what
I think of you, Harvey.
664
00:45:05,813 --> 00:45:11,012
[Laughter, Applause]
♪ [Jazzy Fanfare]
665
00:45:12,987 --> 00:45:16,650
Thank you, Henny Youngman, for that trip
down memory lane. And now... [Laughing]
666
00:45:16,724 --> 00:45:20,023
♪ [Rim Shot]
[Laughing]
667
00:45:20,094 --> 00:45:24,724
But seriously. Henny, you were
never funnier... and it's a shame.
668
00:45:24,799 --> 00:45:29,236
♪ [Jazzy Fanfare] [White] But I was asked
to say a couple of words about Harvey.
669
00:45:29,303 --> 00:45:32,704
How about "ugly" and "cheap"?
670
00:45:32,773 --> 00:45:35,833
Harvey wrote his will
on his cock,
671
00:45:35,910 --> 00:45:39,107
and his lawyer said it would
not stand up in court.
672
00:45:39,180 --> 00:45:44,709
[Laughter, Pounding On
Table] [No Audible Dialogue]
673
00:45:44,785 --> 00:45:48,050
Okay, Mrs. Pitnik. You're on. What?
674
00:45:48,122 --> 00:45:50,386
You're on. Oh, no. Oh,
no. I really can't...
675
00:45:50,458 --> 00:45:54,485
You're the widow. You've got to give Harvey's
rebuttal. No, no, I can't go up there.
676
00:45:54,562 --> 00:45:58,123
- I can't do this.
- But in conclusion, I'd like to say, congratulations, Harvey.
677
00:45:58,199 --> 00:46:03,865
Rigor mortis is the closest you
ever come to a hard-on in 15 years.
678
00:46:03,938 --> 00:46:07,305
I thank you.
[Applause, Whistling]
679
00:46:07,375 --> 00:46:11,778
♪ [Band Imitating Laughter]
680
00:46:13,848 --> 00:46:16,373
Harvey himself is gonna
throw in his two cents...
681
00:46:16,450 --> 00:46:19,510
as soon as we take 'em
off his eyelids.
682
00:46:19,587 --> 00:46:22,385
[Laughing] I don't
get it. I don't get it.
683
00:46:22,456 --> 00:46:26,756
And now, for the rebuttal on behalf of our
guest of honor, his lovely widow, Bernice.
684
00:46:26,827 --> 00:46:29,796
And nothing's changed, Harvey. She's
still gonna be doing all the talking.
685
00:46:29,864 --> 00:46:31,798
[Laughs]
Bernice Pitnik!
686
00:46:31,866 --> 00:46:36,565
[Applause]
♪ [Jazz]
687
00:46:36,637 --> 00:46:39,538
♪ [Continues]
688
00:46:39,607 --> 00:46:41,598
Lovely woman.
♪ [Ends]
689
00:46:44,311 --> 00:46:46,245
[Sighs]
[Applause Fades]
690
00:46:46,313 --> 00:46:48,440
Thank you, Merv...
I mean, Steve.
691
00:46:48,516 --> 00:46:52,646
That's quite all right.
[Clears Throat, Swallows]
692
00:46:52,720 --> 00:46:57,020
Now, well, I would like
to inject a serious note,
693
00:46:57,091 --> 00:47:00,083
as, uh, Henny Youngman
did earlier.
694
00:47:00,161 --> 00:47:05,064
[Scattered Laughter]
695
00:47:06,500 --> 00:47:08,934
I want to say to...
696
00:47:09,003 --> 00:47:13,303
Harvey, my late husband,
697
00:47:14,375 --> 00:47:16,468
as I look down at you,
698
00:47:16,544 --> 00:47:19,513
lying there motionless,
699
00:47:19,580 --> 00:47:22,014
I can only think
of one thing...
700
00:47:23,084 --> 00:47:25,382
our wedding night.
[Laughter]
701
00:47:25,453 --> 00:47:28,251
[Sighs]
[Laughter Continues, Fades]
702
00:47:28,322 --> 00:47:31,587
[Chuckles]
I'll never forget my...
703
00:47:31,659 --> 00:47:35,823
my last moments with...
Harvey,
704
00:47:35,896 --> 00:47:39,457
[Laughter] As I... as I
took him into my arms...
705
00:47:39,533 --> 00:47:43,765
and I whispered those
three little words:
706
00:47:43,838 --> 00:47:46,636
"Sign the will. "
♪ [Rim Shot]
707
00:47:46,707 --> 00:47:48,641
[Laughter]
[Laughs]
708
00:47:48,709 --> 00:47:51,269
[Laughing] Great. But seriously,
709
00:47:51,345 --> 00:47:53,336
I'm glad to see
Slappy White here today.
710
00:47:53,414 --> 00:47:56,542
Now at least I know
my hubcaps are safe.
711
00:47:56,617 --> 00:47:58,710
[Laughs]
712
00:48:00,187 --> 00:48:02,382
And Rip Taylor,
is that a toupee,
713
00:48:02,456 --> 00:48:05,186
or did a beaver curl up
and die on your head?
714
00:48:06,560 --> 00:48:09,120
- [Laughing]
- ♪ [Jazz]
715
00:48:09,196 --> 00:48:14,190
As I look at Henny Youngman today, I'm
not so sure we're burying the right guy.
716
00:48:14,268 --> 00:48:17,704
[Laughter, Applause]
♪ [Ends]
717
00:48:19,039 --> 00:48:21,564
♪ [Piano, Slow] [Announcer] At last,
718
00:48:21,642 --> 00:48:25,043
the greatest album
of love songs ever recorded.
719
00:48:25,112 --> 00:48:28,138
You'll want to share them
with someone special.
720
00:48:28,215 --> 00:48:32,811
♪ Why do birds suddenly appear ♪
721
00:48:32,887 --> 00:48:37,586
Sung by the man who turned a personal
affliction into a recording career,
722
00:48:37,658 --> 00:48:40,218
Don "No Soul"Simmons.
723
00:48:40,294 --> 00:48:42,922
♪ Just like me ♪
724
00:48:42,997 --> 00:48:45,625
♪ They long to be ♪
725
00:48:45,699 --> 00:48:48,566
♪ Close to you ♪
726
00:48:49,770 --> 00:48:52,432
♪ Why do stars ♪
♪ [Band Begins]
727
00:48:52,506 --> 00:48:55,737
♪ Fall down from the sky ♪
728
00:48:55,809 --> 00:48:57,743
♪ Every time ♪
729
00:48:58,546 --> 00:49:00,605
♪ You walk by ♪
730
00:49:02,082 --> 00:49:04,846
♪ Just like me ♪
731
00:49:04,919 --> 00:49:07,387
♪ They long to be ♪
732
00:49:07,454 --> 00:49:10,287
♪ Close to you ♪
733
00:49:10,357 --> 00:49:14,123
♪ She'd been sitting there ♪
[Announcer] So curl up by the fireside...
734
00:49:14,195 --> 00:49:17,494
and listen to the non-threatening
music of this master showman.
735
00:49:18,666 --> 00:49:21,726
[Simmons]
♪ And, honey, I miss you ♪
736
00:49:23,871 --> 00:49:26,362
♪ And I'm
being good ♪
737
00:49:28,809 --> 00:49:31,277
♪ And I'd love
to be with you ♪
738
00:49:33,814 --> 00:49:36,374
♪ If only
I could ♪
739
00:49:38,886 --> 00:49:41,320
♪ Say, has anybody seen ♪
740
00:49:41,388 --> 00:49:44,516
♪ My sweet Gypsy Rose ♪
741
00:49:44,592 --> 00:49:47,083
♪ Here's her picture
when she was ♪
742
00:49:47,161 --> 00:49:50,096
♪ My sweet Mary Jo ♪ [Announcer]
Young lovers of any age...
743
00:49:50,164 --> 00:49:52,325
will cherish
this timeless collection...
744
00:49:52,399 --> 00:49:55,027
of the world's
most romantic ballads.
745
00:49:55,102 --> 00:49:57,127
And if you act now,
you'll get free...
746
00:49:57,204 --> 00:50:01,504
this bonus album:
Don Simmons Down and Funky.
747
00:50:01,575 --> 00:50:05,875
♪ [Electric Keyboard]
748
00:50:05,946 --> 00:50:09,541
♪ [Band Begins]
♪ Jeremiah was a bullfrog ♪
749
00:50:10,551 --> 00:50:13,884
♪ He was a good friend of mine ♪
750
00:50:13,954 --> 00:50:17,185
♪ I never understood
a single word he said ♪
751
00:50:17,258 --> 00:50:19,749
[Announcer] This two-record collection
is not available in any stores,
752
00:50:19,827 --> 00:50:21,761
so order now.
753
00:50:21,829 --> 00:50:25,265
[Simmons] ♪ Yes, he always
had some mighty fine wine ♪
754
00:50:34,942 --> 00:50:39,106
By thunder!
She's a lovely sight, lads!
755
00:50:39,179 --> 00:50:43,775
[Men Chatter, Laugh] And you
can bet your miserable lives...
756
00:50:43,851 --> 00:50:47,548
the cargo hold is filled
with precious booty.
757
00:50:47,621 --> 00:50:50,454
Let's take her, Cap'n.
Aye. Are you game, lads?
758
00:50:50,524 --> 00:50:51,957
[Men, Together]
Aye!
759
00:50:57,364 --> 00:51:00,697
Video pirates! Man the guns and
prepare to "defend boarders. "
760
00:51:00,768 --> 00:51:01,996
Fire!
761
00:51:08,208 --> 00:51:11,075
Cutlasses,
me hearties!
762
00:51:13,614 --> 00:51:15,582
Give them a bellyful
of steel.
763
00:51:31,732 --> 00:51:36,863
Ah. By gum, Captain! All the
latest home videos. In Beta and VHS!
764
00:51:36,937 --> 00:51:40,873
Aye! Some so current, they're
still in theatrical release.
765
00:51:40,941 --> 00:51:45,469
Help yourself, mates. A
chest full of video discs. No!
766
00:51:45,546 --> 00:51:47,741
What good are they? Can't record on 'em.
767
00:51:47,815 --> 00:51:50,409
They're not compatible
with my system.
768
00:51:50,484 --> 00:51:52,679
Captain! This one's locked.
769
00:51:52,753 --> 00:51:55,950
Stand back.
770
00:51:56,023 --> 00:51:59,424
- [Gunshot]
- [Man] Open 'er up.
771
00:52:02,563 --> 00:52:05,054
Gather around, me buckoes,
and feast your eyes on this.
772
00:52:05,132 --> 00:52:08,124
[Men Gasp] Make all the
illegal copies you want.
773
00:52:08,202 --> 00:52:10,136
Put it on.
Aye, aye, Captain.
774
00:52:10,204 --> 00:52:12,968
[Case Snaps Open]
[Tape Loads In VCR]
775
00:52:14,375 --> 00:52:19,369
[Shuddering]
Ohhh, I'm so scared.
776
00:52:19,446 --> 00:52:23,212
[All Laughing]
777
00:52:23,283 --> 00:52:26,582
[Laughing Fades]
778
00:52:57,985 --> 00:53:01,443
[Knocking]
779
00:53:01,522 --> 00:53:05,652
I said I don't want to be
disturbed. Griffin, it's me, Trent.
780
00:53:05,726 --> 00:53:08,024
Trent, I've been
waiting for you.
781
00:53:08,095 --> 00:53:10,029
Come in.
782
00:53:10,097 --> 00:53:13,760
Ah, Griffin. I came as soon
as I received your cable.
783
00:53:16,503 --> 00:53:19,404
Good God, man,
what happened?
784
00:53:19,473 --> 00:53:22,203
I've done it, Trent. At
long last, I've done it.
785
00:53:22,276 --> 00:53:26,212
I finally duplicated my father's
formula for invisibility...
786
00:53:26,280 --> 00:53:30,011
after five years of injecting myself
with every chemical known to man.
787
00:53:30,083 --> 00:53:34,986
But Griffin, the invisibility formula
turned your father into a raving lunatic.
788
00:53:35,055 --> 00:53:37,956
That's where I've topped
the old man.
789
00:53:38,025 --> 00:53:40,516
I've been on the stuff
for over a week now,
790
00:53:40,594 --> 00:53:43,154
and I'm still perfectly sane. [Laughs]
791
00:53:43,230 --> 00:53:45,630
Yes. I'll rule the world
with my secret.
792
00:53:45,699 --> 00:53:47,633
Yes. And I'll
need you, Trent.
793
00:53:47,701 --> 00:53:50,795
I must have a visible partner. [Laughs]
794
00:53:50,871 --> 00:53:54,466
I can tell by your stunned expression
that you're pretty impressed.
795
00:53:54,541 --> 00:53:57,066
[Chuckles]
Ah?
796
00:53:57,144 --> 00:53:59,078
[Gasps] Ooh. [Chuckles]
797
00:53:59,146 --> 00:54:01,671
[False Nose Hitting Desk]
Look, Ma,
798
00:54:03,183 --> 00:54:05,549
no hands.
[Chuckles]
799
00:54:05,619 --> 00:54:09,248
I haven't come up with a reagent
to make myself visible again.
800
00:54:09,323 --> 00:54:11,723
But what's the rush?
I'm having a ball.
801
00:54:11,792 --> 00:54:14,090
Watch me closely.
802
00:54:15,162 --> 00:54:17,426
Whee!
803
00:54:17,498 --> 00:54:21,935
Ever see a shirt make
a phone call? [Chuckles]
804
00:54:22,936 --> 00:54:25,461
Ooh.
Pretty scary, huh?
805
00:54:25,539 --> 00:54:28,235
Ooooh!
806
00:54:28,308 --> 00:54:30,299
Wait till
you see this.
807
00:54:30,377 --> 00:54:32,402
[Chuckles] Uh, no. Griffin,
808
00:54:32,479 --> 00:54:36,210
you don't have to go
all the way. [Laughing]
809
00:54:36,283 --> 00:54:39,844
Yes.
[Laughing]
810
00:54:39,920 --> 00:54:42,320
Just listen for
the sound of my voice,
811
00:54:43,724 --> 00:54:46,557
and you'll know where I
am at all times. [Chuckles]
812
00:54:46,627 --> 00:54:49,221
Come on. Let's have
some laughs! Griffin!
813
00:54:49,296 --> 00:54:54,290
Being invisible is the best!
[Laughing] ♪ [Stride Piano, Distant]
814
00:54:54,368 --> 00:54:57,360
♪ [Continues, Louder]
815
00:55:04,011 --> 00:55:07,310
Hey! Here comes
the invisible man again.
816
00:55:07,381 --> 00:55:09,406
[Bar Patrons Groaning,
Objecting]
817
00:55:11,285 --> 00:55:14,880
You, go and get some help.
I'll watch him here.
818
00:55:22,162 --> 00:55:24,653
Whee-ooh!
Whee-ooh!
819
00:55:26,800 --> 00:55:31,169
Oh, my. Now how did that
happen? Must be a ghost in 'ere.
820
00:55:31,238 --> 00:55:33,172
This is unreal.
821
00:55:34,274 --> 00:55:36,367
I'm terribly sorry.
822
00:55:38,178 --> 00:55:40,544
Whee-ooh! Whee-ooh!
[Imitates Tires Skidding]
823
00:55:40,614 --> 00:55:42,673
Whoa-ho-ho-ho-ho!
824
00:55:42,749 --> 00:55:46,685
Wow! Whoo-hoo-hoo! [Policeman's
Whistle Tweeting, Distant]
825
00:55:46,753 --> 00:55:48,744
[Scattered Applause]
[Door Opens]
826
00:55:50,457 --> 00:55:53,984
Now, now, now. What's all
this? Here he is, Officer.
827
00:55:54,061 --> 00:55:57,622
Take it easy with him.
He's not really dangerous.
828
00:55:57,698 --> 00:55:59,996
Come along
quietly then, guv.
829
00:56:00,067 --> 00:56:03,059
You'll have to find me first. [Groans]
830
00:56:04,037 --> 00:56:06,369
Come along.
831
00:56:06,440 --> 00:56:08,465
Let's cover this one up.
Come on.
832
00:56:08,542 --> 00:56:12,308
Wait. I'm invisible.
Don't touch me there.
833
00:56:12,379 --> 00:56:15,348
[Griffin Laughing]
[Wolf Whistle]
834
00:56:15,415 --> 00:56:17,349
Selma!
835
00:56:28,395 --> 00:56:30,329
[Man]
We now return to our feature...
836
00:56:30,397 --> 00:56:33,332
starring Greta Van Zandt
and Lyle Talbot.
837
00:56:33,400 --> 00:56:36,369
There will be
no further interruptions.
838
00:56:45,979 --> 00:56:49,540
This looks like the remains
of some ancient culture.
839
00:56:49,616 --> 00:56:53,882
Steve, I said some things back
there that I shouldn't have.
840
00:56:53,954 --> 00:56:56,980
Anyway, thanks for saving
me from that dinosaur.
841
00:56:57,057 --> 00:57:01,221
Forget it. Hey, would you
get a load of this joint?
842
00:57:04,331 --> 00:57:06,265
This throne is still warm.
843
00:57:06,333 --> 00:57:11,794
- [Theremin Wailing]
- [Screeching, Chittering]
844
00:57:13,707 --> 00:57:15,698
Where are you going?
845
00:57:15,776 --> 00:57:18,210
I forgot somethin'
back on the ship.
846
00:57:18,278 --> 00:57:20,371
What? [Garbled] I forgot to stay there.
847
00:57:20,447 --> 00:57:23,439
[Sound Track
Skipping, Crackling]
848
00:57:26,653 --> 00:57:30,612
[Man] We are experiencing technical
difficulties. Please stand by.
849
00:57:32,292 --> 00:57:34,226
We are experiencing techn...
850
00:57:39,733 --> 00:57:42,293
I demand that you set
us free, Queen Lara.
851
00:57:42,369 --> 00:57:45,361
We are on an official
mission from the planet Earth.
852
00:57:45,439 --> 00:57:47,373
Ha! "Planet Earth. "
853
00:57:47,441 --> 00:57:50,535
Is that what you call that
pitiful ball hanging in the sky?
854
00:57:50,610 --> 00:57:53,875
You wouldn't say that if you saw
Jane Russell or the Brooklyn Dodgers.
855
00:57:53,947 --> 00:57:55,881
Silence, swine,
856
00:57:55,949 --> 00:57:58,747
or you will suffer the
same fate as your friend.
857
00:57:58,819 --> 00:58:02,585
I intend to file a protest
in the death of Blackie!
858
00:58:02,656 --> 00:58:06,752
He dared to enter the sacred temple
and steal the precious moonstones.
859
00:58:06,827 --> 00:58:09,625
But feeding him to giant spiders
without the benefit of counsel...
860
00:58:09,696 --> 00:58:11,926
is not the way we do things
in America.
861
00:58:11,998 --> 00:58:16,332
[Women Laughing]
862
00:58:17,637 --> 00:58:19,730
Boy, I never thought
I'd be so miserable...
863
00:58:19,806 --> 00:58:21,740
surrounded by
beautiful dames.
864
00:58:21,808 --> 00:58:24,868
Cut the gags, Butch.
We're in enough trouble.
865
00:58:24,945 --> 00:58:28,608
What's she lookin' at? She acts
like she's never seen a man before.
866
00:58:28,682 --> 00:58:32,482
She hasn't.
Have you, Alpha Beta?
867
00:58:34,020 --> 00:58:36,079
No, my queen.
868
00:58:36,156 --> 00:58:38,249
What are men good for?
869
00:58:38,325 --> 00:58:40,816
Well, I'm pretty good in
the backseat of a Studebaker.
870
00:58:40,894 --> 00:58:42,987
Butch!
871
00:58:43,063 --> 00:58:47,295
Men are useless.
Back where I come from,
872
00:58:47,367 --> 00:58:49,995
no woman is complete
without a man.
873
00:58:51,371 --> 00:58:53,601
You see,
Commander Nelson,
874
00:58:53,673 --> 00:58:55,937
12,000 gamma-spans ago...
875
00:58:56,009 --> 00:58:58,477
"Gamma-spans"?
A moon unit of time,
876
00:58:58,545 --> 00:59:00,740
roughly equivalent
to your Earth year.
877
00:59:00,814 --> 00:59:05,148
Anyway, all men were banished from the
lunar surface because they couldn't...
878
00:59:06,119 --> 00:59:08,280
For 131 years,
879
00:59:08,355 --> 00:59:10,687
this great institution
has amassed...
880
00:59:10,757 --> 00:59:15,387
what many consider to be the finest
collection of art anywhere in the world.
881
00:59:15,462 --> 00:59:19,558
And now it can all be yours.
882
00:59:19,633 --> 00:59:23,160
We've lost our lease!
883
00:59:23,236 --> 00:59:25,466
That's right.
Everything must go.
884
00:59:25,539 --> 00:59:29,703
From the old masters of Europe to the
conceptual artists of today's SoHo.
885
00:59:29,776 --> 00:59:32,267
We're talking Rembrandts,
Botticellis,
886
00:59:32,345 --> 00:59:35,041
Gauguin, Cézanne,
Matisse, Renoir...
887
00:59:35,115 --> 00:59:38,175
and the chairman of the board,
888
00:59:38,251 --> 00:59:40,685
Leonardo da Vinci.
889
00:59:40,754 --> 00:59:42,881
This Egyptian sarcophagus...
890
00:59:42,956 --> 00:59:47,518
from the dynasty of Ramses II,
appraised at $14 million.
891
00:59:47,594 --> 00:59:50,358
Our price? $19.95.
892
00:59:50,430 --> 00:59:53,365
Buy now, and we'll toss in,
free of charge,
893
00:59:53,433 --> 00:59:56,732
the original
Declaration of Independence.
894
00:59:56,803 --> 00:59:59,966
Now you might expect to pay
millions for this document...
895
01:00:00,040 --> 01:00:02,008
that shaped a great nation.
896
01:00:02,075 --> 01:00:07,479
But it's yours free. This fine parchment
will enhance any den or playroom.
897
01:00:07,547 --> 01:00:10,482
And you can have some fun
with your friends...
898
01:00:10,550 --> 01:00:14,577
by adding your own name
along with the original signers.
899
01:00:14,654 --> 01:00:17,714
Remember,
the Cosmopolitan Museum of Art.
900
01:00:17,791 --> 01:00:21,454
Every Van Gogh must go.
901
01:00:23,129 --> 01:00:25,063
Hello, I'm Henry Silva.
902
01:00:25,131 --> 01:00:29,067
Ever since the ocean liner Titanic
sunk on her maiden voyage in 1912,
903
01:00:29,135 --> 01:00:31,933
people have asked,
"How did it happen?"
904
01:00:32,005 --> 01:00:35,236
[Man Imitating Ship Whistle]
Join me...
905
01:00:35,308 --> 01:00:37,242
as we dramatically
recreate... [Man] ♪ Nearer ♪
906
01:00:37,310 --> 01:00:42,407
the sinking of the great ocean
liner Titanic. ♪ My God, to thee ♪
907
01:00:43,817 --> 01:00:45,751
Bullshit or not?
908
01:00:45,819 --> 01:00:49,186
You be the judge,
here on this station.
909
01:00:49,256 --> 01:00:52,419
[Announcer] From the pen of
America's wealthiest author,
910
01:00:52,492 --> 01:00:54,983
Irving Sidney, the man
who gave us... [Rapping]
911
01:00:55,061 --> 01:00:57,825
The best-sellers, Irving Sidney's The
Naked Virgin... [Rapping Continues]
912
01:00:57,898 --> 01:01:00,526
And Irving Sidney's
The Power and the Flesh,
913
01:01:00,600 --> 01:01:03,899
comes Irving Sidney's
sizzling new blockbuster...
914
01:01:03,970 --> 01:01:07,667
Hey, baby.
[Laughs]
915
01:01:07,741 --> 01:01:09,675
Long time
no see, huh?
916
01:01:09,743 --> 01:01:12,610
There must be some mistake.
Come on. Who are ya kiddin'?
917
01:01:12,679 --> 01:01:14,874
It's me.
It's Bert.
918
01:01:14,948 --> 01:01:16,939
Look, I'm in town with
the textile convention,
919
01:01:17,017 --> 01:01:22,250
and I thought maybe we could,
uh, you know, party! [Laughing]
920
01:01:22,322 --> 01:01:24,256
I don't do that anymore.
Oh...
921
01:01:24,324 --> 01:01:28,124
You better get out of here before
you wake the president. [Snoring]
922
01:01:28,194 --> 01:01:31,789
[Announcer] When President Harrison
Chandler was married in the White House,
923
01:01:31,865 --> 01:01:34,095
it was the social event
of the decade.
924
01:01:34,167 --> 01:01:36,863
The courageous president...
925
01:01:36,937 --> 01:01:39,269
and his beautiful new bride.
926
01:01:39,339 --> 01:01:42,206
But she possessed a secret
that could shatter her dreams...
927
01:01:42,275 --> 01:01:45,142
and topple a government.
928
01:01:45,211 --> 01:01:48,510
I'll meet you in the
Lincoln Room in five minutes.
929
01:01:50,317 --> 01:01:52,308
[Announcer]
She was forced to live a lie...
930
01:01:52,385 --> 01:01:55,320
when her sins
came back to haunt her.
931
01:01:55,388 --> 01:01:59,188
She was
"first lady of the evening. "
932
01:01:59,259 --> 01:02:02,956
Irving Sidney's
1st Lady of the Evening.
933
01:02:03,029 --> 01:02:08,023
A Magnet paperback in easy-to-read
type with no big words.
934
01:02:12,305 --> 01:02:16,799
[Simmons On Radio]
♪ Birds suddenly appear ♪
935
01:02:16,876 --> 01:02:19,401
♪ Every time ♪
[Sighs]
936
01:02:19,479 --> 01:02:22,710
Look, Violet, what do you say
we go park out by the lake?
937
01:02:22,782 --> 01:02:24,716
My glands are
out of control.
938
01:02:25,852 --> 01:02:29,686
Well, okay, Georgie,
but are you prepared?
939
01:02:29,756 --> 01:02:32,520
I've been preparing myself for 17 years.
940
01:02:32,592 --> 01:02:35,220
That's not what I meant.
941
01:02:35,295 --> 01:02:38,230
♪ Fall down from the sky ♪
- Pull over to that drugstore.
942
01:02:42,302 --> 01:02:44,634
[Engine Stops]
[Emergency Brake Sets]
943
01:02:44,704 --> 01:02:49,539
♪ On the day that you were
born the angels got together ♪
944
01:02:49,609 --> 01:02:55,104
♪ And decided to create a dream come true ♪
- Georgie.
945
01:02:55,181 --> 01:02:58,116
♪ So they sprinkled
moon dust in your hair ♪
946
01:02:58,184 --> 01:03:01,779
♪ And golden starlight ♪
- Make sure you ask for Titans.
947
01:03:01,855 --> 01:03:04,517
Those are the best.
948
01:03:04,591 --> 01:03:09,119
[No Audible Dialogue] ♪
That is why all the boys ♪
949
01:03:09,195 --> 01:03:11,186
[Bell Dings]
950
01:03:12,532 --> 01:03:14,966
Hello, George.
How are ya?
951
01:03:15,035 --> 01:03:17,799
Uh, hi, Mr. Gower.
I didn't think you worked nights.
952
01:03:17,871 --> 01:03:21,102
My night man took sick.
What can I do for you?
953
01:03:21,174 --> 01:03:23,870
We're having a sale
on shaving cre...
954
01:03:23,943 --> 01:03:28,209
What am I saying? You're not old enough to
shave yet. I've been shaving since March.
955
01:03:28,281 --> 01:03:31,739
See? Hey, I'd better call your
mom right now and thank her...
956
01:03:31,818 --> 01:03:34,048
for the preserves she
brought over to our house...
957
01:03:34,120 --> 01:03:36,054
Not now! I mean...
958
01:03:36,122 --> 01:03:38,147
I- I mean, don't bother.
959
01:03:38,224 --> 01:03:40,886
I'll give her the message
for you. [Hangs Up Phone]
960
01:03:40,960 --> 01:03:45,124
- I'll bet I know what you want.
- You do?
961
01:03:45,198 --> 01:03:50,158
Sure. I was young once. Licorice sticks.
962
01:03:50,236 --> 01:03:52,295
They came in
fresh this morning.
963
01:03:52,372 --> 01:03:55,569
[Bell Dings] Mr.
Gower, I'm 17 years old.
964
01:03:55,642 --> 01:03:58,372
[Bell Dings] Already?
Seems like only yesterday...
965
01:03:58,445 --> 01:04:00,970
your mom was in here
buying talc...
966
01:04:01,047 --> 01:04:03,345
to powder your
little bottom.
967
01:04:03,416 --> 01:04:05,884
[Chuckles]
Heh. Uh,
968
01:04:05,952 --> 01:04:07,977
look...
969
01:04:10,690 --> 01:04:13,625
Never mind. Thanks.
970
01:04:15,829 --> 01:04:19,788
[Bell Dings]
♪ Follow you ♪
971
01:04:19,866 --> 01:04:22,699
[Bell Dings]
♪ All around ♪
972
01:04:23,770 --> 01:04:25,897
♪ Just like me ♪
[Sighs]
973
01:04:25,972 --> 01:04:28,497
[Bell Dings]
♪ They long to be ♪
974
01:04:30,176 --> 01:04:32,371
Almost forgot
what I came in for.
975
01:04:32,445 --> 01:04:35,903
Tube of toothpaste and
a box of... [Mumbles]
976
01:04:35,982 --> 01:04:38,177
Toothpaste and what?
977
01:04:38,251 --> 01:04:40,185
A box of... [Quietly] Titans.
978
01:04:40,253 --> 01:04:42,221
You have to
speak up, George.
979
01:04:42,288 --> 01:04:44,950
Titans! I want a box
of Titan condoms!
980
01:04:45,024 --> 01:04:47,652
- [Gasps]
- George!
981
01:04:50,096 --> 01:04:54,829
And to think you were
an altar boy. [Sighs]
982
01:05:02,442 --> 01:05:05,809
- [Keys Jangling]
- [Door Unlocking]
983
01:05:09,782 --> 01:05:11,716
You did say "Titans"?
984
01:05:11,784 --> 01:05:14,810
[Sighs]
Oh, only about four times.
985
01:05:14,888 --> 01:05:16,822
[Slaps Bill On Counter]
Thanks, Mr. Gower.
986
01:05:16,890 --> 01:05:20,917
[Alarm Ringing] ♪ [Marching
Band: "The Star-Spangled Banner"]
987
01:05:20,994 --> 01:05:24,395
- ♪ [Continues]
- [Laughing]
988
01:05:24,464 --> 01:05:28,560
[Crowd Cheering, Chattering]
989
01:05:31,171 --> 01:05:34,572
[Gower Laughing]
990
01:05:37,143 --> 01:05:39,077
What's goin' on?
George?
991
01:05:39,145 --> 01:05:41,409
Rupert King, president
of Titan Condoms.
992
01:05:41,481 --> 01:05:46,714
Congratulations, young man. You are
our one-billionth customer. Pictures.
993
01:05:46,786 --> 01:05:48,617
[Crowd Whistling, Cheering]
994
01:05:48,688 --> 01:05:51,179
Thanks, but I really
gotta go. Not so fast, kid.
995
01:05:51,257 --> 01:05:53,748
We've been planning this for
months. It's really not necessary.
996
01:05:53,826 --> 01:05:57,728
Tell me, George, how long have you
been using our fine Titan products?
997
01:05:57,797 --> 01:06:00,527
Uh, you could say I never use
anything else. Great quote.
998
01:06:00,600 --> 01:06:04,058
Are you getting all of this? You're
not gonna use my name, are you?
999
01:06:04,137 --> 01:06:07,664
Modesty, I like it. You could give Titans
that wholesome image we're looking for.
1000
01:06:07,740 --> 01:06:09,731
Do you know what
you're doing to me?
1001
01:06:09,809 --> 01:06:12,039
The entire town's
gonna know about this.
1002
01:06:12,111 --> 01:06:16,878
You'll be a household name, George,
just like Bip, our Titan mascot!
1003
01:06:16,950 --> 01:06:19,646
Pictures. Pictures. Hi, folks.
Hi, George. Hi, everybody.
1004
01:06:19,719 --> 01:06:22,210
[Man] Hey, George, will
you autograph a box for me?
1005
01:06:22,288 --> 01:06:25,587
- [Crowd, Bip Laughing]
- Get used to that, George.
1006
01:06:25,658 --> 01:06:28,456
[No Audible Dialogue]
More good news, George.
1007
01:06:28,528 --> 01:06:33,864
Even as we speak, your parents are racing here
to join you in your moment of Titan triumph.
1008
01:06:33,933 --> 01:06:37,164
My parents? Are you nuts? I'm
not even supposed to have the car.
1009
01:06:37,237 --> 01:06:40,001
Make sure you airbrush out
the kid's acne, okay? George,
1010
01:06:40,073 --> 01:06:45,568
as a token of our thanks, we'd like you
to have this lifetime supply of Titans!
1011
01:06:45,645 --> 01:06:48,580
- Thank you, Connie.
- All I wanted was one.
1012
01:06:48,648 --> 01:06:50,946
[Crowd, Bip Laughing]
1013
01:06:51,017 --> 01:06:53,008
- Violet!
- George, I can tell,
1014
01:06:53,086 --> 01:06:55,646
you're as excited as we are,
as you begin this,
1015
01:06:55,722 --> 01:06:58,850
your yearlong reign as our
Titan king! [Bip] Yippee!
1016
01:06:58,925 --> 01:07:02,452
[Crowd Cheering, Applauding]
1017
01:07:02,528 --> 01:07:04,928
[Cheering,
Applause Continue]
1018
01:07:16,943 --> 01:07:22,040
[Man] And now the exciting
conclusion of the 1955 feature,
1019
01:07:22,115 --> 01:07:25,983
Amazon Women of the Moon.
1020
01:07:26,052 --> 01:07:29,146
There will be no further
commercial interruptions.
1021
01:07:29,222 --> 01:07:31,213
Bullshit or not?
1022
01:07:31,291 --> 01:07:33,225
Hey, cut the mush,
you two.
1023
01:07:33,293 --> 01:07:36,285
This place is about to
blow sky high. Yes, look!
1024
01:07:36,362 --> 01:07:39,490
Moogla, the mountain demon, is angry.
1025
01:07:39,565 --> 01:07:42,363
Yeah, and that ain't just
heartburn. We haven't got much time.
1026
01:07:42,435 --> 01:07:44,869
Let's go!
[Rumbling In Distance]
1027
01:07:44,937 --> 01:07:47,337
Come on, Loony.
1028
01:07:47,407 --> 01:07:49,398
[Rumbling Continues]
1029
01:07:57,450 --> 01:08:00,214
There's the rocket.
Hurry! Come on, Alpha Beta.
1030
01:08:00,286 --> 01:08:03,585
When we get back to Earth, I'm
gonna show you Ebbets Field.
1031
01:08:24,444 --> 01:08:29,143
Oh, Steve, save yourself. [Panting]
1032
01:08:29,215 --> 01:08:32,207
I wouldn't be able
to enjoy Earth without you.
1033
01:08:35,621 --> 01:08:38,112
[Explosion]
1034
01:08:52,305 --> 01:08:54,705
[Nelson]
Fasten seat belts.
1035
01:08:54,774 --> 01:09:00,269
I think we got about 12 seconds
before everything blows. Fire retros.
1036
01:09:00,346 --> 01:09:02,610
[Car Engine Cranking]
1037
01:09:02,682 --> 01:09:05,879
She won't turn over!
[Car Engine Cranking]
1038
01:09:07,353 --> 01:09:12,154
[Engine Cranks,
Revs And Runs]
1039
01:09:13,659 --> 01:09:15,889
Listen to that sweet music.
1040
01:09:42,522 --> 01:09:45,150
[Screeching, Chittering]
1041
01:09:58,504 --> 01:10:00,597
[Debris Hitting Floor]
1042
01:10:02,341 --> 01:10:06,277
There goes the only home
I've ever known.
1043
01:10:06,345 --> 01:10:10,645
You got a new home now, Lara,
[Quietly] With me on Earth.
1044
01:10:16,722 --> 01:10:20,715
What are they doing, Butch?
Well, it's called smoochin', babe.
1045
01:10:24,764 --> 01:10:27,494
Come here. I'll give ya
your first lesson.
1046
01:10:32,271 --> 01:10:35,001
[Hooting]
1047
01:10:35,074 --> 01:10:37,838
[President]
Earth to Moon Rocket One.
1048
01:10:38,845 --> 01:10:41,177
Earth to Moon Rocket One.
1049
01:10:41,247 --> 01:10:43,340
This is the President.
1050
01:10:43,416 --> 01:10:46,476
Steve, I hope you have
things well in hand.
1051
01:10:47,887 --> 01:10:49,878
I'll say.
1052
01:10:57,830 --> 01:11:01,061
[Horns Honking]
1053
01:11:01,133 --> 01:11:04,000
[TV: Whooping, Gunfire]
1054
01:11:04,070 --> 01:11:06,061
Psst.
1055
01:11:07,974 --> 01:11:09,373
Psst.
1056
01:11:11,511 --> 01:11:13,445
Yeah, you. Come here.
1057
01:11:19,018 --> 01:11:21,350
Yeah?
Saturday night.
1058
01:11:24,624 --> 01:11:27,252
- Yeah?
- Ain't got a date.
1059
01:11:29,762 --> 01:11:33,095
- What's your name, kid?
- Ray.
1060
01:11:33,165 --> 01:11:35,531
Ray?
1061
01:12:07,199 --> 01:12:09,133
♪ [TV: Soft Rock]
1062
01:12:09,201 --> 01:12:12,193
♪ [Continues]
1063
01:12:12,271 --> 01:12:15,240
[Giggles]
Mmm.
1064
01:12:15,308 --> 01:12:17,606
You must be Ray.
1065
01:12:19,812 --> 01:12:21,746
I'm Sherrie.
1066
01:12:22,949 --> 01:12:24,883
[Giggles]
1067
01:12:24,951 --> 01:12:27,010
I heard you were
good-looking,
1068
01:12:28,521 --> 01:12:31,547
but I had no idea.
1069
01:12:31,624 --> 01:12:33,615
Come on in.
1070
01:12:40,733 --> 01:12:42,667
As you can see,
I made dinner.
1071
01:12:42,735 --> 01:12:48,696
Mmm, but I'm not hungry
just yet... for food.
1072
01:12:48,774 --> 01:12:50,833
Do you know what I mean?
1073
01:13:07,159 --> 01:13:09,821
Help me with my zipper, Ray?
1074
01:13:12,131 --> 01:13:17,194
[Zipper Unzipping] [Moans]
That's so much better.
1075
01:13:17,269 --> 01:13:20,636
[Dress Hitting Floor]
God, you're such a hunk, Ray.
1076
01:13:23,142 --> 01:13:26,737
I want you.
And I want you now.
1077
01:13:26,812 --> 01:13:28,746
Get over here, Ray.
1078
01:13:31,250 --> 01:13:33,184
I'm waiting, Ray.
1079
01:13:33,252 --> 01:13:35,982
Take me.
1080
01:13:36,055 --> 01:13:39,889
I want you to make wild,
violent love to me.
1081
01:13:42,094 --> 01:13:44,392
Oh, yes, Ray.
1082
01:13:44,463 --> 01:13:47,990
[Inhales, Moans]
Yes.
1083
01:13:48,067 --> 01:13:52,003
Oh, you're so good, Ray.
[Moans]
1084
01:13:52,071 --> 01:13:54,869
Yes. [Moaning, Squealing] Ray!
1085
01:13:54,940 --> 01:13:58,205
[Moaning, Sighing]
1086
01:13:58,277 --> 01:14:01,610
You're the best, Ray.
Yeah, yeah.
1087
01:14:01,681 --> 01:14:05,014
[Moaning]
Ray, give it to me!
1088
01:14:05,084 --> 01:14:08,315
Mmm, that's good, Ray.
1089
01:14:08,387 --> 01:14:12,448
Yeah!
[Panting, Screaming]
1090
01:14:12,525 --> 01:14:17,258
You're the... best, Ray! Yeah! [Moans]
1091
01:14:17,329 --> 01:14:18,853
[Door Slams]
♪ [Ends]
1092
01:14:18,931 --> 01:14:22,389
- [Man] You dirty slut!
- Frankie, what are you doin' here?
1093
01:14:22,468 --> 01:14:25,926
- I thought you were outta town!
- That's what I wanted you to think!
1094
01:14:26,005 --> 01:14:31,443
- And I expected a little more from you, Ray.
- [Quietly] What, of me?
1095
01:14:31,510 --> 01:14:35,640
- You think I care about a loser like Ray?
- Loser?
1096
01:14:35,715 --> 01:14:38,684
- I did it to hurt you.
- You did it to hurt me?
1097
01:14:38,751 --> 01:14:40,912
Well, your cheatin' days
are over, street meat!
1098
01:14:40,986 --> 01:14:44,945
Frankie, what are you doin' with
that gun? I'm gonna teach you...
1099
01:14:45,024 --> 01:14:47,618
and this little
know-nothing wimp a lesson!
1100
01:14:47,693 --> 01:14:50,662
- That's what I'm doin' with the gun.
- No, Frankie!
1101
01:14:50,730 --> 01:14:53,460
I love you!
I've always loved you.
1102
01:14:53,532 --> 01:14:56,899
You think I enjoyed going to bed
with a worm like Ray? Shut up!
1103
01:14:56,969 --> 01:14:59,597
- Worm?
- You're history, Sherrie.
1104
01:14:59,672 --> 01:15:03,904
- [Screams] No!
- [Gunshots]
1105
01:15:06,479 --> 01:15:08,413
Satisfied, Ray? Hmm?
1106
01:15:08,481 --> 01:15:10,745
Happy now, buddy?
1107
01:15:10,816 --> 01:15:15,150
Well, you're gonna have to live with
that guilt for the rest of your life.
1108
01:15:15,221 --> 01:15:17,348
And you know what else, Ray?
1109
01:15:18,457 --> 01:15:20,618
You're gonna have to live
with this too.
1110
01:15:20,693 --> 01:15:22,854
- [Gunshot]
- Freeze!
1111
01:15:26,065 --> 01:15:28,329
You have the right to remain
silent. [Handcuffs Ratcheting]
1112
01:15:28,400 --> 01:15:30,368
If you give up the right
to remain silent,
1113
01:15:30,436 --> 01:15:33,337
anything you say can and will be
used against you in a court of law.
1114
01:15:33,405 --> 01:15:37,102
You have the right to speak with an attorney and
have an attorney present at time of questioning.
1115
01:15:37,276 --> 01:15:40,905
- ♪ [Latin, Electric Keyboards]
- ♪ I was at a dance ♪
1116
01:15:41,881 --> 01:15:43,815
♪ When she caught my eye ♪
1117
01:15:44,884 --> 01:15:46,818
♪ Standing all alone ♪
1118
01:15:47,887 --> 01:15:50,879
♪ Looking sad and shy ♪
1119
01:15:50,956 --> 01:15:52,890
♪ We began to dance ♪
1120
01:15:54,026 --> 01:15:57,655
♪ Swayin' to and fro
whoa, whoa ♪
1121
01:15:57,730 --> 01:16:01,894
♪ And soon I knew
I'd never let her go ♪
1122
01:16:02,968 --> 01:16:06,028
♪ Blame it on the bossa nova ♪
1123
01:16:06,105 --> 01:16:08,039
♪ With its magic spell ♪
1124
01:16:09,108 --> 01:16:11,702
♪ Blame it on the bossa nova ♪
1125
01:16:11,777 --> 01:16:13,711
♪ That she did so well ♪
1126
01:16:15,080 --> 01:16:18,345
♪ Oh, it all began
with just one little dance ♪
1127
01:16:18,417 --> 01:16:21,079
♪ But soon it ended up
a big romance ♪
1128
01:16:21,153 --> 01:16:24,418
♪ Blame it on the bossa nova ♪
1129
01:16:24,490 --> 01:16:27,015
♪ The dance of love ♪
1130
01:16:27,092 --> 01:16:30,027
♪ Blame it on the bossa nova ♪
1131
01:16:30,095 --> 01:16:32,029
♪ With its magic spell ♪
1132
01:16:33,098 --> 01:16:35,658
♪ Blame it on the bossa nova ♪
1133
01:16:35,734 --> 01:16:37,668
♪ That she did so well ♪
1134
01:16:39,038 --> 01:16:42,303
♪ Oh, it all began
with just one little dance ♪
1135
01:16:42,374 --> 01:16:44,934
♪ But soon it ended up
a big romance ♪
1136
01:16:45,010 --> 01:16:48,343
♪ Blame it on the bossa nova ♪
1137
01:16:48,414 --> 01:16:52,441
♪ The dance of love ♪
♪ [Pauses]
1138
01:16:52,518 --> 01:16:55,510
♪ [Resumes]
1139
01:17:02,061 --> 01:17:04,052
Is there anybody out there?
1140
01:17:07,166 --> 01:17:09,361
Would you please
do me a favor?
1141
01:17:09,435 --> 01:17:14,304
Call Crazy Leo's and tell him the
TV set he sold me has a problem.
1142
01:17:14,373 --> 01:17:17,103
I'm still under warranty.
1143
01:17:17,176 --> 01:17:20,339
Hello? Hello?
1144
01:17:21,814 --> 01:17:25,750
[Crying]
1145
01:17:25,818 --> 01:17:27,752
Help me.
I'll never see Selma.
1146
01:17:27,820 --> 01:17:31,187
I'll never get back.
I'll never get back.
1147
01:17:31,257 --> 01:17:35,159
I'm finished. I'm finished.
I'll never get back.
1148
01:17:35,227 --> 01:17:37,787
- I'm goin' out of my mind.
- ♪ [Ends]
1149
01:18:02,554 --> 01:18:05,352
Mary Brown?
1150
01:18:05,424 --> 01:18:10,384
- Yes.
- Sit down, Mary Brown.
1151
01:18:15,434 --> 01:18:17,425
Thank you, Doctor.
1152
01:18:18,537 --> 01:18:22,530
Mary, I've been going
over your tests.
1153
01:18:22,608 --> 01:18:25,771
How did a nice girl
like you...
1154
01:18:25,844 --> 01:18:29,871
come to contract
a social disease?
1155
01:18:29,949 --> 01:18:32,713
Then my worst fears
are confirmed.
1156
01:18:32,785 --> 01:18:35,310
Oh, the shame of it!
1157
01:18:35,387 --> 01:18:40,154
[Sobbing] Now, now. You are unclean,
1158
01:18:41,527 --> 01:18:45,019
but there's always hope.
1159
01:18:46,899 --> 01:18:49,629
Tell me how
you went astray.
1160
01:18:49,702 --> 01:18:53,297
Tell me everything.
[Wheels Squeaking, Rolling]
1161
01:18:54,406 --> 01:18:57,170
I won a...